A
male
age
,
*eetox
writes:Dear Cupid, I met my Thai wife in Thailand 4yrs ago we have now been married 3yrs this is my second marriage. I have given my wife most of the things she's wanted financially but I am finding this to be a strain on our resources. My wife understands that we can't necessarily have the things we want now because we are paying out too much financially. The problem is my wife being Thai is expected to help her family back home in thailand and this is where some of our money goes. My wife has cut down on giving out money but she still wants to support her parents and her younger brother so they have a better life. My wife wants to bring her young brother to England to be educated here but I know this can be difficult and expensive and I feel why should I support this. She has already helped her older sisters financially my wife is 32. I am 50 yrs old and I need to be able to retire at 65 and be comfortable financially. We have just bought property in Thailand so that we have got somewhere at least to live if we want to leave this country. We both work but I am the main source of income. The reason for this letter is that I have given everything financially possible to my wife but I feel our relationship has waned and I feel I am just not getting enough love and support from her. I have tried to tell her how I feel but she says things like 'you can get another lady if you like but you have no money' and 'you are old'. I find this hurtful and feel like she dosesn't want to improve on our relationship. She is not as interested in sex as much as me and it is only initiated by her. At the beginning of our relationship the sex was fine we were able to experiment a bit but now she says I was controlling her and it seems now she wants to control the relationship herself totally. I think she would be happy if there was no sex in the marriage and she dosen't seem like its a big deal but I have said to her that there is no marriage without sex in the relationship as I think this is also very important. She is not very affectionate dosen't like being touched alot unlike me. I have suggested that we could go to counselling but not sure if she would actually go as she dosen't like to talk about personal problems to others.My wife has also suffered with mild depression once and I think its about the only daughter she lost 4yrs ago just before we met. My wife says she hasn't got anybody only me now so she wouldn't like to be alone she has even talked about being with her deceased daughter. I can't have children naturally only by IVF because of a previous vasectomy and failed reversal. I feel that I am not being treated fair as I think my wife can be very selfish. I really don't know whether this relationship is worth saving. I have already forgiven her once about an affair at work with a married man just after 18mths of marriage. At the time I asked her why and she said she never had love throughout her life and wanted more. I am a very loving, caring and understanding person I feel I have given her all the love I can give but I feel I am getting nothing in return. She has told me I am very good hearted, I think she is sincere but sometimes I feel I am a fool. Mr C
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, thana  +, writes (31 May 2008):
Hi. My name is Mr.Thana Vittayanukul.I am a thai lawyer.This is a real thai family.You can't explain to her.Her family is number 1.that why she marry you.thana
A
female
reader, jenmac +, writes (6 April 2008):
 Hi there
As cold as this sounds but I think she wants you for what you can give her financially.
A healthy marriage always has sex not always often but enough.
The fact she has had an affair should of been a warning to get out.
If i were you i would sign all your estate in to a family members name, sell the houses, cars etc and get out and leave her nothing!!! This woman is a gold digger. sorry.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2008):
I really really don't want to jump to the conclusion that she's a younger woman who married a man for his money. But you make her sound a lot like that.
If she has had bouts of depression then she needs to see someone about it as depression makes you very self centred and this could be a symptom.
You sound like you have threatened to end the relationship which is not very helpful and would not make her happy. If she's not happy and thinks you are going to leave her then she's not going to be affectionate or want to have sex with you.
As for the money thing, tell her that she can send all the money she earns to her family if she wants and you will pay the bills, but you need to put your money aside and into your pension.
It's your money, what is she going to do?
As for the affection thing, treat her like a lady, romance her, make her feel sexy rather than just coming to her when you feel the urge. Make her feel loved.
I do feel that marriage councelling would help you if only to set down some new fair rules about money that you can both agree on and to check that she is not depressed.
Good Luck!! xx
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