A
male
age
41-50,
*CD
writes:My fiance ended our 3 year relationship last month. We had the most fantastic relationship. Yes, we had little bumps along the way (as everyone does I'm told). However, this year I let her down in areas that are most important to her. I'm talking about drinking, gambling, drugs, affairs. I let her down in simple areas like holding hands, going on more dates, spending more time as a family, etc. She has a daughter from a previous relationship so we were like a family for 3 years. I've moved my stuff out of our home to give her all the space and time she needs. She has told her family that we're over. I haven't told mine yet (as her father has told me not to - that she will calm down eventually and realise what a great man I am). She has already told me that I am the greatest man she knows - kind, loving, generous, and the best father-figure her daughter could wish for. In all out time together, and even up tp the last few days together, she has told me how much she loves me. We had so many plans for our future together. We discussed children and children's names.In discussions since the breakup, she has told me that I just didn't listen during the last few months together when she was trying to explain the areas that she felt left down in. I have explained to her that I eventually did listen carefully.She told me that she was moving out of the house very soon. But last week she called me out of the blue and said that she would stay in the house for another month or so. She also said that her daughter missed me and would like to see me. (She said that the little darling loves me and is so fond of me - that I'm a big part of her life). She also said that she'd like to go out with us too - like we always used to. She did mention that we shouldn't flirt, or try to ignite any spark. Nor should we discuss our breakup.My question to anyone out there that can offer advice is this: do you think that she would like to see us all together again to see if it's what she really wants? I'm determined to ensure that we don't flirt, ignite any spark or discuss the past. I'd like to have a fun day. This might show her that we are meant to be together.She had a very tough time in a previous relationship. She has constantly told me how lucky she is to have me as her partner for life.I really do believe that we are meant to be together.Has anyone any advice for me please? I do know that if she gives me one last chance, she will reap the reward of everyting we strived for as a couple since day one.Yours in hope
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (14 September 2009):
 Keep us posted Buddy! Best of luck!
A
male
reader, ACD +, writes (14 September 2009):
ACD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to eyes wide open and Klara for your genuine replies. I know I am a good man - a lot of people tell me that. But most importantly, she told me all the time - as did her little daughter. I've promised myself to take things nice and slowly when we meet. I will not think of the past - only the future - as that's where I see us realising all our ambitions and dreams. I can't change the past - but I can have some small bearing on the future. The little things that I let her down on HAVE been addressed. I pushed her buttons for 3 years. For the past few months there were some buttons that I didn't push. I've identified which ones I missed. Surely I deserve another chance to rectify things. We really do share the same dreams for life. It's not big things that I needed to address - just little things like holding hands, dining as a family, and going on more dates (romance). She has told me durig break up that she does want to get married and have children (but now it's going to take her another 3 years to find someone). That was hard to hear. But maybe it's her way of saying "Give me some space". She also did say that in time she wouldn't have any problem in picking up the phone to see if I was interested in giving it another go. Perhaps by meeting as friends (the 3 of us on a date), this might bring home the realisation that I have made her overjoyed with happiness for so long and that the past few months were merely a blip (or me hitting the comfort zone). I've treated her daughter as my own - it wasn't very hard as she's a wonderful kid who I love very dearly and would die for. I really do hope that time will make her realise that I am the one for her.I will take your advice (and any further advice you might like to give). I will take it slowly and treat our date as a friendship date. And maybe after 3 or 4 dates, I might be lucky enough to get that final chance to make the most wonderful woman in the world the happiest woman in the world.Thanks again fir you replies. I look forward to future advice.ACD
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2009):
Just relax and take everything very slowly, don't be needy, just attentive. Try to really enjoy your time with both of them. You sound like a lovely man to me I hope she realizes that as well.
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A
male
reader, ACD +, writes (14 September 2009):
ACD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant NOT areas like drinking, gambling, drugs, affairs. Please re-read my passage and ensure you understand that I WAS NOT drinking, gambling, taking drugs, or having an affair.
Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): Without talking about all the things you listed ... i.e. drinking, gambling ... the way to let her know that you are serious about changing, is to speak of actions you are taking that would remedy these situations.Find your own way, but my suggestions would be church, addiction meetings, or counseling sessions you have attended. This would show her you are in it for real, not just feeding her empty promises.The thing is ... are you really willing to change? If not, you are postponing the inevitable. There are things in relationships that we do not want to put up with, they are called 'deal-breakers'. She has made it very clear what her deal-breakers are, so a repeat performance on your end will produce the exact same result, the break up of your relationship.I wish you the best, it sounds like you receive a lot of love from her and her child, that is priceless.
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