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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been living with my boyfriend for a year and a half. After a lot of soul searching, I realize that he is not "the one" for me. In fact, I have been hanging onto the relationship, thinking that it's okay for now, but not what I want long-term. I made a huge mistake by moving in with him...and now it will be a huge mess to get out of this. I don't feel like I have a big "reason," and he's been good to me, so I dread hurting him. Which I realize will be inevitable.Any suggestions as to how to handle this? If I should leave (which would be difficult) for the month or so that we'll be stuck in the same apartment? What to say to him when I break it off? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 It's a very unpleasant task to undertake but you must do it as soon as you can make new living arrangements. He'll hurting and having you around will make it worse I think. Just be honest and non-judgemental but more importantly don't leave him with any false hopes. He will be able to recover much quicker if he knows it's truly over. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Well you're right, he'll be hurt......
Be straightfoward about it, tell him plainly and try to avoid the cliches (cos they always cause rows). Be honest but without being cruel. If you've found someone else, tell him if he asks because it'd be worse if he found out through someone else. And be prepared for him to beg you to stay - what will you say? Think about how hard it might be to say no. Also think about when is a good time to tell him.
If it looks like you might be OK and stay friends after the event, ask him if he wants you to move out for the time you need to sort out the apartment. Let him take some control back. On the other hand, if he flies off the handle, I'd say move out cos things will get harder before they get better and a month of that would be harsh on both of you.
Oooooh, it's gonna be tough, but honestly with kindness is always the best policy.
Good luck
xxx
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