A
female
 ,
*ooty
writes:Hi all (again)I wrote just a few days ago ,regarding my 3 year relatonship with a widower. I did somethinig really stupid in a time of uncertainty, and was chatted up by another man, who gave me his number. I rang him as he said he was in a band, and playing a gig this week. Then told my boyfrind , who's gone off on one totally. I have no idea what came over me, I don't want anything from this other man it was just a stupid moment of flattery, gone too far, and i think i only acted on it, cause i've been so miserable about working so much lately, and having no other life? Now i have no idea what to do please any advice ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Hello Sooty,
About going to the show: My advice is to decline the offer or tell the other guy that your boyfriend would be joining you if you showed up.
About the upset boyfriend: Did this happen when he said he didn't love you anymore? Or were you on a break? If so, then you didn't do anything wrong. You were living your life and wanting to feel good about yourself again. There is NOTHING wrong with that.
But if you got the phone number, etc while you were still in an exclusive relationship, then yeah - you messed up. But the important thing is that you didn't cheat, you did tell your boyfriend and you really do seem genuinely sorry for what happened. If your guy can't move on from this, I would write him a love letter explaining how you feel about him and why. Leave the "I'm sorry about the other guy" comment out - he doesn't need to hear about that again -- just focus the letter on him. I would also give it to him with a picture of the both of you when things were going well.
But no amount of letter writing or presents will allow him to actually trust you again - these are just stepping stones. Like the old cliche: actions are louder than words. Show him that he's the guy for you in everything that you do. Eventually, depending on what your boyfriend is like, he will probably be able to trust you again. I don't know how long that's going to take since everyone is different, but in the end it will be worth it. At least you will not regret that you didn't fight for the one you love.
Take care.
A
female
reader, skye +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Well, you are perfectly aware that you have made a mistake here. All you can do now is tell your boyfriend how terribly sorry you are.
Explain to him that you dont know why you did it, but that you allowed yourself to be chatted up, took this other mans phone number and rang him. Do not try to give excuses, for you really dont have any.
Your partner has every right to be angry with you, but you know that. You have lost his trust and if you ever expect to regain that you have a lot of work to do. Trust is something precious. We earn it slowly but loose it quickly as you have just discovered. Tell your partner this.
If he wont speak to you at the moment, try putting your feelings and apology in a letter. Tell him that you know you have done him a serious wrong, you can offer him no valid excuse and you are sincerely sorry. Ask for his forgiveness and the chance to regain his trust.
If you believe your relationship is strong enough to overcome this, tell him that aswell and that you do not want to loose him. Do all you can to show him how sorry you are and reinforce your commitment to him.
Perhaps given some time he will agree to try again. I hope things work out well for you.
Take care,
Skye
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