A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Now ex boyfriend called me a psycho who is stalking him! I am married but separated for 2 years and this has always been an issue for him. because of the cost of divorce i didn't go through with it until recently. My divorce should be final in a few months.My ex husband cheated but thats not the issue here. He is the only man I've been with since my ex husband. we started as friends hanging out going to dinner, the movies or just sitting at home. he told me that as much as we like each other we could't go any further because I am still married. and then i fell in love. no one has ever done the things he did for me or made me feel the way he did. I have three children and they absolutely love him. so we started dating. never had an argument until last night! we spent 9 months together we weren't living together but he only lives a couple of blocks away so most weekends he stayed here or if my children were with their dad i stayed at his place. i wouldn't call him everyday either because I understand he needs his space. My children were with their dad for Christmas vacation and he spent those two weeks here with me. so On December 25th I was invited to his Boss's house for Christmas dinner, everyone was nice to me and that made feel special. he drop me off and said he was going home but would be coming back. but he Didn't! The next day I called and no answer, after a few hours I got worried and I text him I said I needed to know he was fine and let me know or I was coming to look for him. No reply...I went over to his house, His roommate let me in and i walked upstairs i heard noises but I thought its my imagination this can't be! Knocked on his door and then I heard voices I asked if he wasn't alone and he said no! so I turned around and left! he came flying down stairs behind me but i kept walking so he said we would talk later and then he came over and said it was just a friend going through some problems and wanted to talk and just like the roommate let me in, he let her in. I said I am not going to be throwing this on your face I know what I heard but I want to believe you. we will talk about this just once if you think someone else can make you happy and give you what you want you go for it, just be honest. he said he loves me and blah blah. so I asked who it was he told me the girls name and i googled it up! found her facebook and her cell phone number and stored it on my phone. she is 23 years old and loves to party! he is 37 I had him on a pedestal because of the way he acted with me even before we started dating. he always respected me. was a complete gentleman, never seemed to want to take advantage and I saw him like someone with integrity and morals. So last month I went to see the Dr. for a pap smear and the results. HPV Positive! I told him about it and he said he would go himself and get tested. we haven't slept together since. so last night we were hanging out with some friends over at my house and his cell phone was in my bathroom, i walked in and she texted. I told him to text her back and tell her he is with me or I would text her myself since I have her number! he went crazy and told me I am a psycho who is stalking him. I said I have all the right in the world to want to know who I am loosing him to, he said I lost him to myself! he said he has been patiently waiting for me to be divorced so we could live together but I was the one taking my time to file for divorce! and he could see other people if he wanted to because we weren't married or living together. he said he is so disappointed in me and we are done! to call her if i want to. he doesn't care anymore. By the way I have a password to his Email and never check it because I feel I would be Invading his privacy and because I respected him that much. I feel so stupid, so ashamed. yet so betrayed. Was I really wrong for getting the girls number? I don't even know what I got it for. I know where she works but I have no intentions on contacting her.
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christmas, divorce, facebook, fell in love, my ex, roommate, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Firstly he can call you what he wants but you are definitely not a psycho stalker. You are just upset and he also appears to be upset. You may well have taken your time over the divorce and its true they do cost a lot but it is no reason for him to sleep with another girl, (if that is what you think you heard). I imagine he is making himself angry and turning the tables to blame you because he has been caught out. This is all well and good but the chap is a bit of a coward. You are good enough to go to his Boss's Christmas do but then he got himself in a mess with this other woman and didn't have the guts to text you that he wasn't coming over or to even tell you what he was up to. His story could be plausible but I think everyone can find time to ring or text if they want to. This is guilty and somewhat weak behaviour. He appears to be ok about you and the kids as has participated well for the last 9 months but is he really getting annoyed about the length of the divorce or is it something else - only you will know this one. Sometimes men really do love women with children but they can also get their heads or other parts of their anatomy turned by young single girls with no ties. An old boyfriend of mine lived with a woman with 4 children but he used to love sex with a free single girl as there was no 'baggage' as he put it.
I too would want to text and confront the other woman and nearly all women would have found out as much as they could about their love rival. That is only natural. You want to keep him so you want to warn her off, natural too but not a very good idea. Your boyfriend will see this as possessiveness and you trying to control him. To him it won't matter that what he maybe did was wrong he will only focus on you trying to curb his actions.
I do think that your boyfriend will come back to you once he has calmed down. He is feeling mad right now and although his actions towards you are not justified I would leave him alone to cool off. Make no attempt to see this other woman or to contact her in any way, ignore her completely. He thinks you are acting like a psycho loon but I understand that jealousy and fear of losing him is what is making you behave like this. You can't undo this so when he calls just be calm and don't under any circumstances mention her or unless he does, even refer to the row. Just continue with your divorce and your daily routine. He will be back xx.
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