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anonymous
writes: I'm a female, late 40's. I have a young teen son, who is a sensible, good kid. However, he loves surfing on the net a lot, so I recently set up a new system in my home, where sexually explicit websites can't get into my home. It was a free service my Internet Provider offered. So the PC's in my home have restricted access to the net. I told my partner I was going to do this in which he agreed to. Now, I don't think he understood how this system worked, when I had originally told him because..he absolutely flipped when he realized "ALL" the PC's were restricted, including the PC he uses. He had thought only my son's PC would be affected. He was very irate with me..started telling me that I didn't trust him and that he had a right to surf the net with no restrictions. He said he felt like a child, that I was treating him disrespectfully. I asked him why he was so upset and he said "because I like to look at naked tits once in a while, too!!". After hearing that comment, I stood my ground even more and said I did not want any porn in this house-that I wouldn't tolerate it. Now he is ignoring me and says "I don't trust him" and that he doesn't trust me for getting a system like this installed. He has threatened to leave and when he told me that..I said I didn't want guy who's into porn anyways and he could leave anytime. But I need to know-- who's right and who's wrong in this argument?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are so right-I did not do this to spite him. When he first reacted the way he did, I decided 'enough of this'.I sat and thought long and hard and stuck to my guns. I said to him, if he didn't want to support my vision in protecting my son, then he and I had very opposing family values and this relationship would not fly. As much as I love him, I will not have someone in my home, creating division and mayhem in my family, over my parenting decisions. I basically told him 'to grow up'. It was a test to his love and devotedness and he now respects my stand on this and has finally understood what I was doing for my son. So we are still together, and no,there is absolutely no sexually explicit porn coming into my home.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): Did he leave you over this ?
Did you manage to get it sorted out ?
I know how hard it is but stick to your guns.
Remember you are doing this for your son.
I think he needs to understand that you didnt do it to
spite him.
Hope things pan out for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2006): Let him leave if he wants to he's obviously just some wanker who gets off on porn....yuk...no woman wants a man like that anyway
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCheck with your internet provider. Basically it's a box-like modem that is installed in your basement where your cable internet connection comes through. It has to be installed by a trained technician. Aside from the restrictions, it also offers other security measures. It's a great system for homes that have 2-3 PC's. In my case, we have 2 desktops and 1 laptop.
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male
reader, Allio121 +, writes (21 September 2006):
 where did you get the restrictions as i would also like to restrict my computer thnx :D
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the insightful advice. I agree with all of what each of you has stated. This man is not my son's father. He is my new partner(3 years) My son's own father had never taken an interest in pornography and has supported me fully on what I have done. My new partner however, has never been a father and does not seem to have an inkling of what it takes to providing a safe, secure enviroment for youngsters. Self-control and sacrifice is the just the way it is, when raising a family. Jadzia is right on with what she said about selfishness. My partner does have a self-centered outlook on life--it's all about him. He and I are discussing this issue. However, he's turning it into a case where he feels "the little woman tells no man what to do". He just doesn't get it and if he doesn't, then I admit..I made a mistake in choosing him to come in my life. So..As I stated before, porn is something I don't tolerate with an impressionable teen living here. I am making a strong stand and my partner could lose a wonderful, loving home with 2 people who love him dearly and will end up having with him, his computer and his porn. How sad. Lovers, bf's come and go in a woman's life..but kids are forever! I owe it to my kid to protect him. Thanks again
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female
reader, AgonyAuntLisa +, writes (21 September 2006):
 Wait a minute your husband is annoyed with this! does he want his son looking at porn or is it for himself? I think you have done the right thing as I wouldnt like to see any of my brothers or boyfriend looking at porn as it would discust me! Dont let this annoy you and talk 2 your husband and tell him the real reason why you did this!
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (21 September 2006):
 I would agree, its not a trust thing, hes annoyed you have taken his option to look at a porn away. Now you say you have more than one pc, so im guessing that if he looked at porn you would not know anyway and its likely this has been going on all along or why would he suddenly go mental about it. Guess its the usual male thing, they just have to look! Typical male though hes had something taken away, it might not be as bad as it seems, in that yeah he likes to have a look at the odd bit of flesh here and there and wasnt doing any harm, but the thought he cant do it makes him feel like a child, spoilt brat in other words..
Now the issue was for you to protect your son from the otherwise sometimes seedy world of the internet, we all know the top hits and searches are infact for porn. You have acted in the correct manner to ensure your son is not exposed to such under your roof atleast, and that the internet is used for the purpose it was designed for and that is to research information!
I know my man would probably flip out too if i put a restriction on the internet, not because it would mean that he then cant look at porn, but moreover hes being told what to do! He wouldnt say right Im leaving though, we have had the odd conversation before, about the porn thing and if i really didnt want him to look he wouldnt and has said he would get rid of the pc if it meant that much to me, Im not bothered either way to be honest as it doesnt really figure for us that much.
Its probably more like the option has been taken away from him, he probably thought he was fine looking at stuff when you didnt know and now you do hes like you have done it out of spite as he cant get his own way. Because you then said your not having porn under your roof he took it that you did do this to stop him doing things! I dont think he should have acted in the way of Oh im leaving then.. thats a bit too dramatic, you tell him that your not having porn in your house and he flips out, I would be concerned to what extent he meant that and why does looking at these naked tits (as he put it) once in a while seem to be more important than you and your son ?
It could just be that he liked to look from time to time out of curiousity and does just genuinely feel that he is being restricted in what he can and cant do, but it does still make you wonder why hes so cross about the fact he cant look at titties to the extent he threatens to leave!
Maybe ask him what he means by the naked tities, see if you cant reach some sort of compromise, not so much on the porn front, but maybe getting some of his settings changed on his pc ? Im guessing they have indiviual IP addresses which would mean that he could have his altered in some way to allow the odd site? and allow him to feel he has more control and more say in the matter ?I dont know what your stance is on it and what his is, so its a bit hard to gage but if this is all about him wanting porn and your not happy about it do put your foot down, but if its just the odd browse as lots of men do then maybe you can try and get the access to his changed ? Not sure how best you can proceed but your protecting your son and as a mother thats what you do first, your partner should understand this, maybe talk to him some more, when hes got through the ignoring stage, in the end he will have to! And tell him its not because of him, and he has to understand hes not the only male in the house!
Hope things work out x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2006): It sounds like the reason your partner is angry isn't because he feels a lack of trust but because he can no longer look at porn sites.
You are not being unreasonable whatsoever as your intent was very pure - you simply wanted to prevent your son from looking at porn sites.
Explain to your partner that it wasn't about him or lack of trust but that it was about your son. If he is still raving then he obviously just doesn't get it.
If he wants to leave you because he can't look at porn in your house then he isn't sounding too flash.
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (21 September 2006):
 You are the mother of a young son and to leave even one computer not protected would be neglectful on your part.
It is a bad sign that your partner is so selfish that he won't even consider a child's needs over his own wants. You are doing what a good mother should do. Stand your ground.
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