A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How do I know? I just DO. I just have a feeling. I've never felt this way about anyone. It's an attraction I can't explain. I don't want to seem desperate, but there's really no way to assure you that I'm not. I will do whatever it takes to get my boyfriend back. I messed up and I'm crazy about him. I've been told by friends that he's not too far gone, but I did push him pretty far. I don't want to be scandalous; but I know that once he realizes what he's giving up, he'll want to work things out. Guys in particular, but girls as well... What can I do? I simply refuse to give up on him. I accept that I can't make him like me; but I really don't think the feelings are gone. Even for him, I think they are just very very faint. I have messaged him and told him I'm sorry, that I will always be there for him and that I would like to put the past behind us. What else can I do? PLEASE HELP! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionare you guys really serious? maybe i'm reading things wrong. i really didn't think i was beating around the bush too much. i'm sorry if i was. i just didn't want to bring down the whole story because it's a long one. there's nothing really that one person did. there's no blame to be placed. i just feel guilty. i can't explain why or how. i just feel like if i wouldn't have tried so hard... called, texted and messaged him... it would have turned out better. i'm sorry if i'm not reading things correctly on here. i really don't mean disrespect. i just want to fix things. i don't know what else to tell you guys. i just tried too hard to keep him. that's all i know. fade, i'm sorry about the shout out. that was inappropriate on my part. i didn't mean it. i would like if you accepted my apology, but understand if you dont. the reason i have given you guys... the fact that we depended too much on each other and it was getting a little too serious for him is all i know. that's the only reason. other than that i loved him with all my heart. he knows i care for him. it was just too soon. we're too young right now. i don't know how else to say it. phil... i'll take your advice and let you know how it goes. we are meeting up today to give each other some stuff for halloween. it might take some time to see how that all plays out, but i'll definitely let you know.AGAIN. i'm sorry that i'm not understanding what you all mean. i think i'm being clear, and maybe i'm not. if you guys want the whole story i could provide. it's very long.but maybe that would clear things up. i was just trying to get a general advice on the situation...but maybe its just not that easy. i'm truly sorry fade, for the shout out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): You don't have to keep ignoring him - just let him think that he's no longer the most important thing in your life and that you have other fish to fry. Be indifferent towards him. Let him think he's at the back of your mind rather than the front. If he makes conversation with you, a few 'whatever's' by way of reply will reinforce this.
Play him at his own game and make him think you're happier without him.
I'd be interested to know if these tactics work though!
Phil
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): If this is the way you are treating strangers who are genuinely trying to help you,I wonder how you treated the poor guy.And you are wondering why he broke up with you?The reason he has given you for a breakup is such a poor one.He has problems with the way you treated him or else you are lying to us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you UNCLE PHIL.
i appreciate YOUR advice. we have gotten past that stage though. we already talk again. do i keep ignoring him?
as for fade's advice...
there's really no need to get on here and be rude to someone who is pouring their hearts out to you for advice. if it's so emotionally draining to read my post... stop reading. simple solution.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): I think I'm beginning to get the picture - he left you and broke up with you 'just beacause'. Then you chased after him and you think this pushed him further away? Please tell me if I'm wrong.
Assuming I'm right, let me just offer some simple advice. If he wants you he'll come running to you. Don't text him or contact him in any way whatsoever from now on. He's dangling you on a string and loving every minute of it, thinking that he's got some crazy female who's nuts over him. You're doing his ego a world of good by chasing him.
Ignore him from now on. Imagine he never existed. That means getting yourself involved in other things other than him and 'forgetting' about him, even if you can't. There's a slight chance he might think he's missing out on something if you stop talking to him and he might come and talk to you.
While you're trying to hang onto his ankles as he walks away, he's laughing at you. Let go of them and get on with your life without him if you can. It might take some time, but being this besotted about someone is not good for anyone's health.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know what else you guys want me to tell you about what I did? I said I texted, called, begged him to reconsider... Tried to keep us together... Only pushed him farther away. We so still talk. And I think that he may be avoiding conversation with me because it always ends up talking about the break up... One way or another. The reason we broke up in the first place is that we were too dependent on each other. He was even sad about it at first. But the more I tried to fix things... just reaffirmed his decision. What I want to know is how to build that trust back. We still talk, and I try to keep it light and positive. We get along much better now. Is there anything else I can do? I told him sorry so many times, I just need to prove it now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): I am losing my patience with this thread.Until otherwise you cheated on him girl there should be no reason for you to beat around the bush so much!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe broke it off with me. We were both pretty sad about it at first, but we both kind of accepted it. I realized how much I missed him and tried to work things out, which just pushed him farther away. When I see him from time to time I still feel like we have something there. I feel like I just hurt him so much that he's hesitant around me now. Rightfully so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): Ok - no apology needed - now how about telling us what the hell you did and a bit of background info otherwise we'll just be stabbing in the dark! Not your life story - just the why's and wherefores of the break-up, and who did what and to whom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry uncle phil...
I didn't mean to sound hostile.
My heart is just grieving over this guy.
He's my best friend, he's the greatest. We really did have good times together, I know he would tell you the same.
When we broke up I just did all the things I have been told NOT to do when you break up. CALL, TEXT, EMAIL... me holding on just pushed him farther away.
i know i have a lot of mess to clean up from the destruction i have caused.
i know he still cares about me...
i just hurt him.
i don't know what to do to make things okay between us.
i feel like we are going in the right direction. all my guy friends say he's just confused right now....
i pushed him farther away than anyone thought i would ever push him.
i feel terrible.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): If anyone had thought of anything more constructive than what I told you I'm sure they would have answered you. What more could anyone possibly tell you? We can't wave a magic wand and make it all right again, now can we?
Then again, I could be wrong.
Anyone?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks... I know that I acted horrible. That wasn't what I asked for though. Any HELPFUL advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008): You never appreciate what you've got 'till it's gone. Ain't that a fact?
He's probably more attractive to you now because you can't have him. You didn't say what you did to piss him off, but if he left you it was for a good reason, and I doubt he'll want to repeat the hell of living with you - if that's how he saw things.
At the moment, he's put the past behind him alright - and you are that past!
I don't think you can do any more than what you've already done. If you don't get him back at least you'll know how not to behave in future relationships.
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