A
male
age
41-50,
*olland blew it
writes:Hello all, My situation is rather embarassing, but regardless, i'd like to know how people would handle it. I dated a very special girl for four years. Right before I dated her, I had an incident while on vacation in south east asia. I was at a crowded night club and while on the dance floor I felt a prick, which I thought to be a needle from one of the whores that were there. Loaded, I put it to the back of my mind, swept it under the mat, and I ignored it but when I returned home, that little incident grew into an absolute nightmare for me and ultimately ruined my relationship. Very briefly so as not to bore everyone, I got sick with flu like symptoms and developed exzema on my hands. I was freaked out but too scared or embarassed to get an HIV test. As our relationship grew and I started to fall madly in love, I began to panick and worry about whether I had infected her. And she begas to show signs that I had read about online as well. Still too scared to get tested (i know i acted cowardly), i began to do drugs and drink excessively, I cheated on her, I verbally abused her, and basically tried to push her away from me with the thinking that "I could never be good for you, with what I have." I thought often about how much I wanted to marry her but that the truth would come out and her family and our friends would be mad at me. I thought about kids and how they could be infected also, and basically I just blew it with her. It was so painful and agonizing to sit there and think about this every single day. How I wanted to be with her but I instinctively continue pushing her away. We broke up several times b/c I didn't want to put her at risk but she loved me so much she wouldn't let that happen. We would get back together. Until she reached her boiling point and refused to give me another chance. I could hear in her voice that she was serious and i started to panic and basically begged pleaded and cried, which actually worked to push her away and into the hands of another guy. This all went down over the past 4 months and she's been with the new guy for 2 months. Last month, finally, I couldn't take it anymore living like this, I mustered up the courage to go get tested, and too my amazement, I was HIV NEGATIVE. Ecstatic as I was and still am, I now spend my days wondering how i blew it, and how the love of my life is now with somone else. I guess what I want to know is, should I tell her the reasons for my bad attitude, anger, and wreckless behavior? Or would that anger her and decrease my chances of a reunion now that I know I can give her what she wants, a family. She asked me in july "when are we getting married?"I very much want to be back with her and now believe I would be the wonderful boyfriend that she always deserved but seldom had from me, as my mental condition turned into anxiety and paranoia. It got pretty ugly at times, but we were madly in love and i suppose that's what kept us together. What do you all think I should do? I don't need her back but I want her back. She's with someone else going on two months now. She still called me quite often until I told her not to anymore as it was too hard for me to be just friends. Any perspective would be appreciated and if more details are needed, ask. I know I acted like a coward, and I'm sure I would be mad if someone put me through four years of that for no reason and uneccesarily (i was 110% convinced that I had it). But I can't help but think that she may see the truth as an explanation, eventually get over the anger, see that we really did love eachother, and give us another chance, now that I'm "all better" so to speak. I'm thinking of calling her up one of these days and explaining myself to her, but I'm not sure if she would react or if I should just leave her to be with her new man (he's a rebound, I think anyway). Cheers everyone!
View related questions:
broke up, drugs, get back together, hiv Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, baybay +, writes (22 December 2009):
 a really good friend of mine was at a rave and theres a a group called the hiv crew that goes to places and actually infects people they feel deserve it
and as hes danceing he felt a prick looked down an a needle was in his leg!
no joke he had to litterally take it out!
he almost fainted of hysterics!
he got home went to a doctor hes negative but they told him even it you have hiv its possible it cant show up on tests for at least ten years
so he made a vow he wouldnt sleep with anyone till that ten year mark to make sure he would never put someone threw the pain of thinking or worse having hiv
theres no advice that can help you on this except that of a doctor
good luck an ill pray for you
A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (22 December 2009):
 maybe you dont have to tell her all that im all for truth but the truth is people cant handle the truth, You need to call her up and tell you kno youve been screwing up but you where dealing with something and then tell her all that loving stuff, basically just beg and say everything shes ever wanted a guy to say to her she might be unforgivingly pissed if she finds out you Though you might have HIV and didnt get tested
...............................
|
