A
male
age
41-50,
*luedavid
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for 1 year now, and we continue to have the same problem, and it’s getting worse. I promised my girlfriend that we (or I) would never be around any of my x's back in January. Shortly thereafter my best friend and fraternity brother got engaged and asked me to be his best man. Little did I know that his bride-to-be asked my ex-girlfriend to be a bridesmaid? When my girlfriend found out about it she demanded that I live up to my promise and get the hell out of the wedding. Now she says that her feelings mean nothing to me and if we continue in this relationship I will walk all over her the rest of our time together. It’s been nine months of hell, but I have put up with this because I know that I made this problem. I've tried to explain that this is an exception because it is a wedding and not just some party. Now she refuses to attend the wedding and claims that if I go, the relationships will be over. I know I should get out of this wedding but if I do I'm afraid that deep down I will resent her for it. So I have been labeled as a selfish lier that does not care about our relationship. I am in dire need of some advice.
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best friend, engaged, ex girlfriend, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 September 2009):
 Who do you see yourself having in your future 10 years from now?
Do you see yourself still in a relationship with your gf?
Do you see yourself being great close friends with your buddy?
BTW, didn't your buddy consider your feelings that your ex was a bridesmaid? I would think that was an important detail, regardless or not if you had a current girlfriend.
-Frank Kermit
www.franktalks.com
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Wow, does she REALLY think that by controlling you like this that she'll make you feel like an adult who wants to spend even more time (years) with her? Come on! Print these posts out and show them to her - maybe she'll figure out that by threating and controling you that she's gone too far.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): I too have trust issues with my bf concerning his ex. I too have asked my bf to never communicate with an ex of his and that if I ever catch him communicating with her, be it email, phone, or whatever, it will be the end of the relationship. But that is because he cheated on me in some way with her, and I feel justified in demanding him to cut ties with her. I am assuming that you may have done something with your ex to violate that trust between you and your gf, which has led to her extreme reaction to you attending the same event as your ex. Try to understand it from her perspective. She might be afraid that seeing your ex may trigger some lingering feelings you had for her. I probably would have reacted the same way if I were in the same situation. Still, I would say that you should try to convince your gf to attend the wedding, and assure her that you will give her your full attention, and that you will not interact with your ex or keep the interaction to a minimum. Stay by your gf's side as much as you can. You can even use this as a chance to show your gf that you no longer have any lingering feelings for your ex and that you only have your eyes on her and her alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Your girlfriend sounds like she's insecure, immature, or some combination. It seems unreasonable that she can't accept the idea of you being in the same room with an ex even when surrounded by a wedding party. I'd listen less to her and more to yourself. Is this really someone you want to be with?
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