A
female
age
36-40,
*ndigo_heart
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have been together since we were 16. Throughout our relationship we have both gone travelling separately and I have gone to Uni and am now in my 2nd year. A few times in my relationship I have felt the need to go on a break. I do love him but we sometimes lose our spark and ou relationship becomes difficult and stressful. Our sex life isn't great bcoz I dont enjoy it. I know this is a major deal and has probably contributed to our relationship downfall. I picture my future with him, but not my present. I feel like I need time by myself to be independent and to be single and spend time with my friends and to concentrate on Uni work. He doesnt understand this. I have previously asked for a break and when I have he has got angry and said that if we go on a break then thats it we are going to break up. so i get scared and apologise and say that i feel much better now that ive got my feelings out in the open.I do have feelings for someone else and have felt this for a very long time. However i dont want to break up with my current bf for this other guy. i just feel that because i have strong feelings for someone else this must mean that I am not happy. My mum, sister and friends all agree that I should break up with him. Howver I really cant decide if this is right thing to do. I want his friendship and would love to get bak together with him in a few years when i have finished Uni and concentrate on our relationship more than i can now.if you have any advice our thoughts please let me know
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): People don't really go on breaks... and he's not going to want you to let other guys busting their nuts in you, so don't exepct him to be happy about your proposal. Sounds like your relationship has run its course. It's healthy to have other experiences/relationships. I have to tell you, though, that my ex GF in high school, after dating 3 years, wanted a break. We of course never got back together. She became a medical doctor, but never met anyone, she later said to me, that took my place, or that made her feel special. And I loved her with all my heart, and would have supported any decision she made - and helped her -- like I helped my wife, also, ironically, a medical doctor (smart professional women turn me on!:)). So be careful that you want to move on.... you might also be addicted to the drama of breaking up, and teasing him. Hopefully that's not the case.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (27 March 2009):
You are only dithering about this because he is all you know.
You fell for him and assumed you would be together forever (as we all do with our first serious boyfriends) and now you can't bare the thought that this may not be true.
You loved him, you grew and learned from him, you had great times. But you now need to move on.
Don't mess him around and yourself around by drawing this out.
I guarantee that as soon as you split up from him you will feel more free than you have done in years.
Good Luck!! xx
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