A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, well, I seem to have a problem. I'm a 16 year old girl, still in High School and everything. However, I'm attracted to men who are rather older than I (mainly older than 23, most of the time around 30). Guys my age just don't keep my attraction. Sure, there will be an initial spark, but I easily tire of them all.I've never acted on my attraction, but living with it is hard. I feel like I'm some sick and evil girl. I'm really ashamed of my feelings but I can't get rid of them. I tell myself that I'll get over it as I age, but it's been like this for a couple of years. Liking guys double my age really ruins any plans I had for my teenage years too. I'm still a virgin, which isn't bad or anything, but I know I won't be having sex soon because the men I want to try things with would see me as a stupid child or a monster or something.I don't know what to do anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2010): Same problem as me, but when you get to be in your mid 20's I assume you'll be liking people your age. :) Problem is that's a long time to wait... You should try meeting new people that are your age. If you prefer mature guys, maybe your school (or wherever you meet most guys) isn't the right place to look.
A
male
reader, kadinza +, writes (11 March 2010):
No you are not weird, evil, or a monster. I am 35 and in a relationship with an 18 year girl. For Anon over their it's not because i want to control her it is because as a doctor now I am ready to start a family and there is an extreme risk for women over 35 to bear children. I am sure I could have found someone in their early 20's but I didn't set any limits when I started looking. We are both very happy, both in college as I am working on my Masters in Human Sexual Relations to go along with my DO. There will be men who are predators who are looking for a younger girl, those that won't take you seriously because they see you as a child, and so on. Please remember until you are 18 depending on the age of the guy he could get in a lot of trouble for even a perceived relationship with you. You may be 20 till you find someone who will love you for you. Just remember to be careful with the older guys when you do start dating I would hate to think that you had saved your virginity for someone special and a smooth talker takes advantage of you. Don't give up. I pray you find what you are looking for.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2010): You need to find the root of why you're attracted to much older men. You don't really give us a hint as to the source of that. I get that men your age can be really stupid, but you are correct in that anybody who is above 23 and pursues a girl your age won't be the kind of guy you want to date anyway. Typically men in that situation are controlling, manipulative, and dangerous in the long run.
This doesn't make you bad though! When I was 16, I liked older guys too. Unfortunately, I ended up dating a guy who was 20 and it was a giant mess in the long-term. Men that age often want a lot of commitment and at 16 you can't commit at that level. Your world will change so much in the next decade. You'll change your ideas, your beliefs, and where you want to go and what you want to do. Involving an older man is only dangerous to your current and future life.
But seriously, do not feel evil or like you're a stupid child. Just be cautious! There are a lot of predators out there. Remember too, if you so firmly believe that this is just the way you are, then how can you change your mindset? Open yourself up to men your age and you might find a 17 year old guy who is mature, sexy, fun, and meets you on your level. :)
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