| A
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Once in my past, I let a guy that I trusted briefly film us having sex. He then showed it to a few of his friends, and for some reason I didn't stop him. I told him no, that I didn't want him to, but he did anyways and I just didn't know what to do or say at that point when he did. It was like I just relented and let myself be exposed. When I think back on this, I get upset with myself for not sticking up for myself more and not letting him do it. He was an exchange student from Europe so the friends that he showed it to were from his country/people I didn't know at all who live thousands of miles away and have no connections to anyone here. I'm somewhat relieved that this was the case, but I still feel regret for letting him do such a thing. I haven't thought about this in a while but it just came up again and it's been nagging me. I'm currently seeing a guy and I have no idea if I should tell him about this incident. I know he's not the one to judge, but I don't know if this is something I should come clean about. I made a mistake during a vulnerable time in my life, but I don't know if this would be something better left unsaid. Should I tell him or no? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, commonguy30  +, writes (23 August 2013):
I dont think I would want to know. In this case, ignorance is bliss. Unless theres some sort of connection between the people who took/saw the video and your boyfriend; its more hassle than its worth.
If it does happen down the road, well if you're together that long he should love you enough to understand it was a mistake and embarrassing for you to tell him. Its not like he is divulging all his dirty secrets to you.
If its not broke, dont fix it. Just make wiser choices from now on! ;)
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Why would you tell him? It's completely irrelevant.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (22 August 2013):
Heck no, unless you feel like you have to tell him for your own reasons, don't do it. There's no reason he needs to know, it's not like it'll help him get to know the "real" you or something. You weren't a porn star.... These days almost everybody has filmed sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 If you feel this relationship might be long term I think you should tell him, for the simple reason it would be better for him to hear about it from you, now, rather than in 15 years time when some random stranger say to him,
'hey, your wife looks like the girl in this video my mate took'.
If you think you might find it difficult to tell him print off your question and show him that.
I hope it goes well for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 We all make mistakes. I think you need to forgive yourself. Yes it was something silly to do, but you're not the first to do something like this and you won't be the last. You need to come to a point where you can look back on this incident and have a good laugh about it as one of the silliest things you've ever done. Self acceptance...warts and all...poor life choices and all...No one is perfect. Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closets, and anyone who has a finger pointed at you probably has ten fingers pointed back at them. I think you're feeling very insecure and vulnerable about it, so it won't be a good time to confide this to your boyfriend. You need to get over the whole little "dirty secret" syndrome. It's not as bad as you think it is. Now if you had murdered someone then I'd say you have a serious issue on your hands:))
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): If you think it'll make you feel better then tell him , but does he really need to know? It shouldnt change your relationship. No need to bring up the past if you two are happy in the present :)
...............................
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 Hi, say it to him the way you wrote it. Also if you think this relationship is long term , then tell him as you don't want him to feel like you had something to hide.
Goodluck and don't allow another camera in your room.
...............................
|
