A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Started seeing a guy at uni a while back and we're now dating and basically I now want out of the relationship. What happened is this. We got to know each other and maybe rushed in to things a bit quickly. We slept together. That was fine. We went out a couple of times, that was also fine. But he is the same age as me and I know they say girls mature faster than boys and I really think it's true. He's a lovely lovely guy and I'm sure he will one day make some girl really happy, but it just isn't me. He sulks, goes quiet for days, blows hot and cold with me, and I just cant be bothered dealing it it. I'm not even sure he likes me that much. We have classes together and sometimes he doesn't even talk to me. The next day he'll be making me dinner and snuggling up to me. I just cant deal with it all right now. I should be focussing on my studies and it's stressing me out.My question is, how can I break up with him when we've only been together a couple of months. It's nothing serious, but I just don't know how to put it. Help? He's not the one for me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): He reminds me of me. If he is like me then the best thing you can do for him and yourself is to cut him loose. He probably feels the same way about the relationship as you do but just doesn't know how to express it in a direct way. Instead he sounds like he's getting passive aggressive with you expressing his inner desires to be free by giving you the silent treatment.
Sure everyone likes a casual snuggle, and if it's available we'll usually jump at it on a cold evening, but when the morning comes he probably wishes he could be some place else.
If you confront him and ask him questions, he may be nice and try to convince you that everything's fine, while deep down inside he could be very well kicking himself for not coming out and saying "I think we should see other people".
So someone needs to step forward and say it. I know it's hard (believe me), but you will feel cleansed shortly after when you come to realize that life is now full of new possibilities. Focus on that.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 January 2009):
Well if he's sulking and being an arse all the time, just wait till he next throws a hissy fit and then just tell him it's not working out.
Walk out and if he comes after you then just say that you haven't been happy with things for a while and it's all moved too fast and that you want to be friends but you want to put uni work first.
Simple as!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (6 January 2009):
 Hi, you should indeed be focusing on school now. If you know he is not the one for you now, it would be a nice thing to let him go gently, so he can find that girl who is the one for him.
Just tell him a version of what you've already told us. John, you're a good guy and I care about you. But I do not think that I see a future for the two of us as a couple, just as friends. I'm at the stage in my life where I need to be focusing on school, and this relationship is actually detracting from it, not enhancing it. So much as I don't want to hurt you, I have to let you go. You're a good guy and I want only good things for you. It's just that it's not me who's the right one for you."
You just be gentle, but firm. And if he probes for more reasons and explanations, you could think about letting him know your observations of his behavior. But you have to do this very carefully, with great tenderness and compassion, as he will be wounded by this rejection from you. So think twice before letting him have it between the eyes.
We all grow up at different rates; I've known some 20 year old guys who were very mature. I also know some 40ish guys who are stuck in adolescence. Same thing for women. So don't look so much at the age, but at the behavior.
And allow yourself the freedom to be young and explore life a bit before making any commitments to someone. Get some wisdom, learn from other people and keep your eyes open. Practice listening. You'll be just fine.
Take care.
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