A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How do i tell my husband that i stopped loving him?We have been married for 4 years and it has been rocky from the start.I those 4 years, i was determined to make it work...i did all the work solely as he provided the fiances...As i worked so hard he was busy lazy on the couch and drinking ....exhaustion set in along the way ...and i tireddd and ready to give up..start from zero ....alone ..and raise my childThe challenge is when he realized the change...he is trying to act up.....and trying t talk me out of ending the relationshipThis is making me feel guilty...like i am the one who is not serious....Outwardly he comes off as a good husband...always at home after work....but he just drinks ...alcohol makes him lazy and depressed.I am not doing well financially but i can fairly live with my daughter.Together with the fear of starting over...there is fear of being judged by family and friends...for living a house and man...to go do it alone.His now begging me to stay..but i feel like love should be more that sentiments but shared responsibility...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2018): I think you should give your marriage one more try. Your husband is now aware your relationship is in trouble, and says he is willing to work on it. He may not have been aware of your feelings before, so give him one more shot for the sake of your relationship and your child. He has a drinking problem, so one of the things you should require of him is that he go to AA or some other rehab to control this addiction. Also, you will definitely need to see a marriage counselor right away. They can help you put a plan in place, and a timeline to see if he makes the necessary changes to continue your marriage, or for you to leave if he does not.I do wish the best for all 3 of you. R
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2018): I do think you owe it to him and your child to try and make this work, at least giving this one more shot. You married him KNOWING it was not going to be easy given his personality. Marriage means a lifelong commitment- it is a lot more than dating and just breaking up- but you seem to be taking it this way. Marriage is for life. YES sometimes unbearable circumstances alter this, but, imo, this should be REALLY unbearable circumstances, like abuse or cheating, or, very severe problems with alcohol/drugs. You say he drinks too much, and i'm not saying that is good, but it doesn't sound like full blown alcoholism. He does need to show you he is making an effort. But it does seem like you have expectations of him to be perfect, when in reality many men are lazy, annoying, depressed, etc at times! Maybe you should also figure out where your flaws come into play and how they are making the situation worse. You need counselling together. You owe it to your child to try. Saying you aren't in love anymore is juvenile. It shows that you believe that love is a feeling, when in reality that is "the honeymoon stage". Real love is simply commitment. It is no longer butterflies- those never last.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2018): If he is trying to talk you out of ending the marriage; I would assume he knows you don't love him anymore. If it helps, just tell him outright; if you're absolutely sure that is how you feel. No beating around the bush about something like that.
If you have truly come to this decision; the most important thing is to be sure you can support yourself financially, and that you don't become a financial-burden for your daughter. I am assuming you have an adult-daughter; judging by your age-group, given between 51-59. Discuss this with her; so she can prepare to take you in. Don't spring it on her by surprise.
If you are working a full-time job; you should seek legal advice, and start the legal-separation proceedings. Make sure you get a full assessment of all your shared-assets, and seek your fair-share; when property and assets are split. Don't let him threaten or intimidate you out of what you are due.
If you are unemployed, you may have to seek pro bono/free legal services. Be sure to ask plenty of questions during the consultation; with bad advice, you could end-up penniless.
There is no sense in suggesting to you to seek marriage-counseling or mediation; when you've indicated you do not love your husband. That would be the only reason to stay, and try to resolve your marital-problems.
Make sure whatever decision you make, you don't find yourself homeless.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 July 2018):
 You've been with him for 4 years. That's enough time to figure out if his depression is caused by life events, or just an excuse to drink because of his alcoholism. Alcoholics are very good at denying and postponing the problem. They are selfish at the core. The only way to tell him you don't love him is to physically leave so he hits rock bottom. If the thought of leaving him permanently makes you feel guilty of abandonment and not giving him a chance, stay at your daughter's to get a break from his negative influences. Then gradually stay longer if you don't see improvement from him. Your family knows better that a good husband is more than just coming home every night.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 July 2018):
 I'd say you really have to decide what is right for you and your child. Is it staying or going?
If it's staying you need to set some boundaries and IF he is serious about making it work, well then talk about what you would NEED from him.
If leaving is what you feel is right for you, then I'd start with finding a job, so you have an income, then look for a place to live for you and your child.
Look OP, your friends and family aren't the ones living with him, they aren't the ones dealing with his alcoholism.
Why did you marry him 4 years ago if it was rocky from the start? Did you think being married would fix all issue? If so, I guess that is the lesson you learned. But it also means that staying IS NOT going to fix a thing. YOU both have to WANT to fix things if there is going to be a chance for it to work.
And let's talk about your child here, DO you think that raising a kid with a father/step-father who drinks and is depressed is good for the kid?
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