A
female
age
30-35,
*ehek
writes:I did a teriible mistake. some months ago, wen we kept on fighting and ignoring. basically i dunno but i was the one pleading him to forget the fight and be ok....i guess his space giving thng is all because we have fighted so much during the past and evn in the present. my faults most of the time .so anyways , there came a time wen i used to beg him plz talk to me , dun leave me lik dis ryt now...i hv no one oder to tlk to ..i cnt live wdout u.....he..wud den spk to me but that resulted in more fightings...i had to kill my time before it killed me..i went online and chatted wid ppl. i met dis guy online 21 yrs of age..he seemed lik quite a gud fellow because he was the frst guy who wanted to chat thngs other than sex. we chatted normal thngs about life and careers...lik dat. he started sharing things with me and i too started to confide all the pain in him..all the pain that was there in my heart. he pacified me.....spoke correct thngs abt wat went wrong n all,,,he knew i hd a bad relationship...i had tld him frst thng dat i hv a boyfrnd. i was true to my boyfrnd , i nvr chatted any personal thng wid ds online guy. then my b'day approached....this online frnd of mine wanted to send me a b'day card...since he lives in the east side of the country and i on the north side...he had to courier that to me. then after sumtime i sensed that dis online guy is gettin too closer. callin me evryday, showing possesiveness for me.....i din wanted him to get closer because i dun want to hurt him because i m in love with my boyfrnd not him. i tried to ignore him gently many times , he used to retailiate evrytiume. one fine day , he sent me an sms that " sweety i miss u vry badly n i m not feelin well " blah blah.....i told ds to my boyfrnd, my boyfrnd knew that i hva online frnd but din knew the details how muchg v talked n chatted, i dunno y i din tell him. my mistake...he was upset abt dat sms....then i thot i shouls seriously spk to that boy and tell him not to send me such sms. bt the nxt day wen he cald...he wasnt fine. he was drunk n upset ans strtd crying...i gave him sympathy n care.he tld me not to leave him nytime..he said to me dat i dun want to lose u. den nxt day he sent me another sms ..writing that " please telme wen u get my card dat did you like it or not and i want to reveal sumthng to u but at a later date at an appropriate time". this gives me an indication that he mite b attracted to me. he has seen my picture also , i am quite gud ( atleast in that photo). i told my boyfrnd abt it last nite...he is furious at me for hiding the frndshp for so long. i dunno y i din tell him. i m true that i nvr hd ny bad intentions in my heart. my boyfrnd he nvr asks me nythng , he blindly trusts me, aloowes me to do nythng...no restrictions ..doesnt ask me nythng beyond the point i tell him abt sumthn. i hd tld him abt the boy earlier but not in detail nor did he ask me.my boyfrnd is really upset , wat do i do?? leave that online guy but he's a gud frnd and he's dependant on me, my conscience is stopping me t o leave that frnd.i hv decided that i'll ask my boyfrnd to gv me sumtime that i can slowly slowly mke that frnd not dependant on me and then i will lessen my contact with him.please help me .i know one thng if my boyfrnd had done sumthn like ds i wudnt hv forgiven him so easily , i wud hav been broken n this thought is killing me all the more. making me very guilty. I never wanted this, I just wanted a simple friend who cud listen to me wen I was not fine, all this turned out to be so ugly. please help me.all this is killing me. i need ur help please . please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): hello,
what you wrote was very long and i have tried my best to understand it.
it sounds like, at the begining you was very dependant on your B O Y F R I E N D, because you wanted him to call you and being away from him was hard for u. Are you insecure about something in your relationship? are you confident with yourself? have you gor family and friends to talk to because it seems that you (to begin with, was very attached to your boyfriend), you said you had problems, these probles need to be addressed, sit with him, calmly and talk to him. write him a letter.
As for your F R I E N D.. hmm, it sounds like he is very dependant on you. B U T..i must warn you that he may not seem what he says he is. you have never met him, and i advise that you never do. this can make things very bad for u. You dont really know who he is, he could have given you a fake name and a fake age, even a fake photo. He could have a bad history which he has never told you about. i once spoke to a boy on the internet, and he told me that he use to beat up his girlfriend. i was shocked. you must not trust this man too much because you have never met him.
you say you and your friend spoke on the fone, he listned to your problems. to you he is only a friendly VOICE. If i was you, i would email your friend and tell him that even though you enjoy talking to him and having his friendship, you do not want to take it any further and that your boyfriend is not happy. tell him that he needs to be strong and have faith and also tell him that he is responsble for his own actions and can not emotionally depend or blackmail you.
if i was you, i would email him and then change your telephone number. focus on you and your boyfriend. if you are going to get married, you should both think about your future. if you are not happy leave him, but DO NOT turn to your online friend.
when you get bored, you should paint your feelings or write about them, you could turn what you feel and go through into a book. when your boyfriend is angry with you, dont keep calling him because that makes men angry and uncomfortable, jus send him a sms saying you love him and he should call when he is less angry and that you want to resolve your argument.
i hope i helped.i know it is hard. but this online man seems very dangerous, please take care of yourself.
priya x
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