A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice..I can't let go of my ex bf. He ended it after a few years and we have this constant on and off thing going on. And I let him back in my life every time. He has slept with other people during our "breaks" and it makes me sick, yet I can't let go. The times when he is not in my life I am so sad I cry over him all the time. Then when he comes back around it's like I feel good again to have him back even though what he's doing isn't right. I never thought I'd be that girl who would let someone treat them like this. help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2014): Aw. I use to do that too. It happens to the best of us. You just have to find ways to take your mind off of him and stay busy long enough to get over him. It's like quitting smoking. You can't quit, start back up, quit, and then start back up. The goal is to quit completely! So you replace the habit with gum. Yes, it is the same concept; Google behavior modification through reinforcements if you want to and it will tell you that you have to find something else to replace the habit, as well as remove the habit completely to prevent the reinforcements of the target behavior. On to my out-of-the-book answer..Have you tried dating around just for the fun of it? When I couldn't get over the last guy, I signed up for a free dating site and let people take me out to eat. Though about 9 out of he 10 guys were extremely no where near my type, it still gave me a sense of being single and it was a fun experience. We all want that movie kind of life where our screwed up partners have an epiphany, but there's those fun movies where people do their own thing that are just as appealing in my opinion. You're not getting enough stimulation in other areas of your life to make up for his absence. Hey,what do I know? I've had so many dead end relationships it's no wonder I can just walk away from feelings anymore. But one thing I've learned from that is it is possible to have those same feelings you have for him for someone more respectable, or all kinds of other people for that matter. I've been in love like 5 times, hard in love. What makes one better than another is who they are as a person, not how I fee about them. You can think with emotions, or you can think with logic. We, as humans, tend to let emotions overtake us. Emotions are nothing more than the physical feeling of chemicals being released in the body for the sake of triggering a response; remember that next time you start slipping away from logical choices. You just have to remember that you can love whoever you allow yourself to, and if you eliminated emotions from the picture, the lying, cheating scumbag would not be top pick anymore. The guy with the ability to maintain healthy relationships would be; if only our emotions would allow us to find them attractive or appealing. Either way, it's a lot safer to use logic once you can grasp this concept. It's part of being a strong minded woman.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (3 January 2014):
 I feel your pain. I've been through exactly what you're going through. my current gf and I had broken up a handful of times before we finally became stable together.
Her issue was that she was on the wrong medication because she was misdiagnosed. She's now on the right meds and is amazingly stable and our relationship leveled off wonderfully. Couldn't be happier.
But we were so back and forth for quite a while. And when we were apart, it was literally excruciating. So when we finally spoke again, despite all the damage caused, I'd let her back in every time because it was an instant fix to the wound. Instant gratification, if you will.
If she hadn't stabilized and gotten to a better place (we broke up for about a month and she got on different meds), I never could have taken her back. We would have been done.
Why does your boyfriend say he breaks up with you? Does he give you a reason or does he just do it out of the blue?
Either way, you must put your foot down. you have to know your self worth and value or else this will always happen. Don't put up with it or settle. I know it seems impossible to get over him at the moment. But believe me, you will. Just recognize your self-worth. that's the most important thing. And you'll break this bad habit. Good luck.
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