A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, first of all, I really want to thank you for your time and good will to help. :)I've been in a long distance relationship for 2 months now. The last time I saw my boyfriend was a month ago. The problem is - I just miss him so much! I don't know what to do, really! It's weird, because it's the first time I'm actually having this feeling. We don't even talk as much as we used to at the beginning of the relationship, because both of us get really sad and lonely. And the fact that I'm constantly surrounded by couples doesn't help, either. My friends tell me they understand me all the time and they try not to be intimate with their partners around me, but somehow they always end up talking how great their relationships are.I've never thought LDRs could be so hard, I thought people were exaggerating it! But now...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 March 2013):
 OP I saw your follow up after I postedIf you need to have a partner that is close to you and available 24/7 then you are not cut out for an LDR.Some folks aren't. There is no shame in it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 March 2013):
LDRS are very very hard. LDRS for teens are nearly impossible. LDRS require
Trust
Communication
Honesty
Patience
MONEY
TIME
A PLAN TO END THE DISTANCE
I’m going to address MONEY ,TIME and ending the distance.
You need MONEY to travel to see each other. When my husband lived 2 hours away by car I would drive up to spend weekends with him. It cost, gas money, tolls and wear and tear on my car. My girlfirend’s husband comes down on the train EVERY WEEKEND…they spend about 100 dollars A WEEK just to see each other. TEENS do not have that kind of money and without money you cannot travel. TRAVEL is critical in an LDR and it must be done frequently. Saying you have an LDR boyfriend and never seeing him is useless.
TIME… I used to take off Friday afternoons to go see my husband. We had all weekend to be together without having to work a part time job (most teens that have jobs have to work on weekends). We did not have school projects due, or papers to write or tests to study for. We could devote the entire time to doing nothing together.
Now comes the biggest hurdle for teens in LDRS… THE PLAN TO END the distance. You can’t be an LDR forever… the goal of every LDR that’s a true LDR is to END it. WE do not like being LDR at all. So I ask you what are your plans to end the distance? Who is moving to be with who or are you both moving t o a new place together? Is this happening now? In a year? In 5 years? After college?
My husband and I met and started a relationship in December 2010. Our original plan was for him to stay in his apartment till August 2012. He had even signed a new lease for a year In April of 2011. WE figured we could cope… we saw each other every weekend I went up either Thursday nights or Friday afternoons and I left Monday mornings. So we had lots of time together but not day to day… we were miserable. I had surgery in June of 2011 and we had 8 weeks of bliss together full time as he cared for me. He broke his lease. He moved down to be with me full time forever December 2011. Our friends that commute weekly have to wait until August 2015 to be together full time but they married in September and are together every weekend and communicate 2 hours nightly on skype.
You miss him… what are you missing about him? You say you don’t talk as much as you used to.. what does that mean.
You have ONE thing going for you, you have MET your boyfriend. You saw him a month ago. When do you plan to see him again?
HOW far apart are you? An hour or less will become easier as you get older… more than that and I’m going to say it’s not going to last.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, actually, I'm moving, but in a year. And I don't know if we're gonna last that long. There is a chance of us getting together more often, but, you know, it's just not it!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 March 2013):
LDR's are ridiculously hard to be happy in, unless you're a certain type of person that has some intimacy issues or something.
First things first: its only been a couple of months and you're having problems.
What is your goal with this guy? Do you have a plan in place so you can "fix" this LDR problem?
Are you moving? Is he? Is there any reason you can't see each other more often? Having an indefinite LDR just doesn't make sense.
I've had an LDR because it was temporary. We met somewhere I was living temporarily and when I left to go back home she made arrangements to join me in a couple of months. We're now married. My friend was dating a guy in college who took an internship away from school. They had an LDR because she insisted it couldn't go longer than the original 6 months it was planned, and at that time either he was coming back or she was moving there. Long story short, they're now married as well.
There needs to be a point to all of this. Having a boyfriend who you don't get to be with is like having an imaginary boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 March 2013):
IMO, a LDR cannot work at your age. For starters, you need to be rather financially secure so you can travel often and not worry about the expense. Next, at your age, there are just so many single people and new options arising every day, quite soon often the person down the block becomes a more attractive option.
Even as adults, LDRs have about 6-12 months before they must become non-LDRs, or they become non-Rs. Just the way it is.
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