A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedgirl22
writes:I have a HUGE problem! I'm a 22 year old Nursing student... I'll be 23 Feb 28th and I never care to have sex. I am healty, 5'1'' 140lbs, work out regularly and I am usually a very sexual person, and always think about looking sexy or feeling sexy. However, I never think about having sex with my boyfriend, or I am NEVER in the mood. In the beginning of our relationship I was always in the mood, and we had sex a lot, in many places. We've been together for 2 years now, so I know its not new and exciting anymore--that def. has something to do with it,I'm sure-- but there are so many other people out there my age that can and WANT to have sex everday. I don't even get wet when we start getting into it, what's wrong with me? He just doesn't turn me on, and whn I express concern and try and talk to him about it, and get him to possibly try new things to turn me on, he thinks that just means trying a new position. I don't know what else to try, and he just acts very selfish, and gets mad at ME because I say he doesn't turn me on anymore. Like its MY fault. What the hell is wrong with me? I watch porn sometimes, and it will help a little, but I just usually don't care about it either way like I used to. He is so cute, but doesn't have the best body in the world...(so why am I not attracted to him sexually? If I look at him naked, I don't get the slightest bit turned on. Maybe its because there's no more mystery behind it?? Maybe I'm a lesbian? He's not too big or too small and of course, like most women I am VERY insecure about my body when I'm naked. I don't even like him to look at me. I don't know what to do... PLEASE HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, confusedgirl22 +, writes (31 January 2009):
confusedgirl22 is verified as being by the original poster of the question no I am not on birth control of any kind... just use condoms sometimes.
A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (30 January 2009):
To add to my question/ answer before. I went through the same exact thing! I was with a boyfriend of mine off and on for 2 years.we had amazing sex at first. We lived together for about 9 months broke up and got back together and moved back in together. He was a little chunky but I loved him because of his personality and how good he treated me and that made me physically attracted to him . When we got back together I had started the depo prevera birth control shot. It took about 6 months but it finally started to have ill effects. Besides the weight gain that is usually reported it can also cause a huge drop in your libido! I never connected the 2. I started to make excuses not to have sex like oh my stomach hurts or I'm too tired. It frustrated him and me! I did not want him to touch me! I thought I was a lesbian! We even had a girl over with us one night! I wanted to see if I was more turned on by her but of course he ruined it by paying more attention to her than me. It finally ended between us and once I got off the shot I wanted sex all the time! Now if you aren't on the shot it could be a ton of different things! As women get older their preferences change. And that's ok. The thing that took me forever to realize is I needed to make me happy and not worry about hurting other people.If you aren't attracted to him anymore and he doesn't turn you on, its not fair to either one of you. If you think you might be attracted to other women, you will never know if that's what you want til you try it. I am married and my husband is amazing but he knows I am bi sexual. The whole not being comfortable with your body? I'm pretty sure every woman has some self confidence issues. I have major ones! You can try little tricks to help you though! If you don't like your tummy, try a sexy Teddy! I know a million ways to conceal things that bother you! If you want some other help and I didn't bore you with my life story, let me know! I would be more than happy to help you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2009): You say when you tell him he doesn't turn you on, he gets mad. Naturally. In asking for change, you need to use "i" statements, not "you" statements. "I don't get turned on as easily as I used to..." Wouldn't you get mad if he said, "YOU don't turn me on?"
Second, I suggest you not get naked. Get into some garment that feels sexy to you, like a silky negligee and don't take it all the off unless you feel like it.
THird, figure out what exactly you do want? You say you tell him to try something different and he thinks that means a different position. How about YOU think of something different and tell him exactly what you'd like him to do, so he doesn't have to do this by trial and error.
If you ever masturbate successfully, what do you think about? Do you ever fantasize? If so, use some kind of lotion with a scent, then that scent by itself
will tend to arouse you and take you into the fantasy. Then hand him the lotion when he's for real. Sure, it would be great if HE was your fantasy, but if not, you are the one in control of your mind and feelings, not him.
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A
female
reader, Dear Doris  +, writes (29 January 2009):
Ok first of all for somebody to love you and make you feel good you have to be able to love yourself.....this could be to with part of the problem....Thinking back when did this start?? Were you working alot and tired...it started as a little problem then you knowing its expected and worrying about his reaction can turn you off where as equally he could be feeling very insecure knowing this and feeling stressed himself less confident...therefore making him less appealing to you.....a barrier between you both that you cant overcome without honest communication...If the spicing up isnt working go further play a game write down your fantasies get him to do the same fold them up and pick one at random...excitement...and fulfillment with a little bit of fun thrown in....are you taking eachother for granted forgetting what it was attracting you to eachother in the first place?? Could you live without him...if the answer is yes...then it could just be the natural ending of your relationship not all of them are forever....and it sounds like there is a lot of experimenting you want to do...possibly women?? You only live once explore....but obviously without hurting anyboday...the real answer is deep down inside you know in your heart of hearts what you really want and you have taken the first real stepp by writing here...look inside yourself and act...you only live once!!! :o)
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A
female
reader, Firefighter's Wife 09 +, writes (29 January 2009):
I have a question before I answer. Are you on birth control? And if so are you on the shot?
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