A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help I'm not sure what to do. I'm living with a male friend who is also an ex and at first everything was fine until he got a girlfriend. I told him I was moving out and he got upset and begged me to stay, so I did as he had some valid reasons. However just over a month ago I told him I couldn't be in this situation anymore and I was looking for my own place. At first he said "fair enough if that's what you want but I think you're making a mistake".With one week of my notice to go we sat down and divided the things we bought together for the house and talked things through. He again asked me not to leave as he really likes having me around. After thinking about it I agreed to stay until I find my own place (which could take at least a year)and he seemed happy with this.A month on and everything was fine, but now I feel like we're drifting apart and we're not as close as we used to be. His attitude towards me changes suddenly and some times it feels like he doesn't want me here at all. I've tried talking to him about it and he just tells me it's not my fault it's because he has a lot of uni work to do and a lot of pressure from his job, but I find it hard to believe him sometimes. I know if I move back to my parent's I'll see a lot less of him if I get to see him at all and I don't want to lose his friendship. Any advice anyone? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advice xxx
His girlfriend doesn't live with us and from what he has said it will be a while yet before he even thinks about asking her to move in.
I feel that you are right though about the guilt tripping etc so if things don't improve in his attitude towards me I will do as you have suggested, sit him down and talk it out with him until he sees that I'm not leaving him just his house and that we will still be able to be friends.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (19 May 2009):
 Well, all I can say is you have to decide whether you will continue to allow this man to manipulate you into staying around. Does the GF still live with both of you? It is certainly a rare occurrence that you 3 could co-exist for as long as you have, let alone being friends with your ex.For that you are to be commended. But on the whole this living arrangement is unhealty in the long run, and you know as well that you are still young and need to expand your horizons a little. I would suggest you sit your ex down and thank him for everything and suggest that you are leaving. Simply say that its time you open up another chapter in your life. If he loves you as a friend he will accept this and allow you to spread your wings. If he is apprehensive about it, I would suggest that he is manipulating and guilt tripping you into staying in case his other relationship does not work out. In either case your living arrangement has run its course.
...............................
|
