A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is 26, I am 18. We care about each other very much, and have a wonderful relationship... only one problem... HE IS SUCH A LITTLE BOY. He still lives at home, has no car, and only pays $200 a month to live with his grandmother. He has no cell phone bill, no insurance bills, no car note... nothing. He works a full-time job, and makes enough to get by... even more than me.. and i have a car, a phone, etc. All he seems to worry about is his stupid computer and his video games. For TWO years i have been asking him to change... and NOTHING. He hasn't saved squat for a car, when by now... he should be LIVING ON HIS OWN. I am a nice-looking girl, still young, and I could be with somebody much better off if i wanted to be. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? Please... somebody help! I need to know if there is any way I can get him to change. All of my friends and family tell me that he has to WANT to change... well... he tells me he does, but still hasn't even saved anything to get a car at least. He's not on drugs, he doesn't gamble... so what is he spending all of his money on??
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drugs, grandmother, lives at home, money, video games Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Hi Hunny
I no what you mean he does have low rent to pay and as you say no bills, maybe he has been so used to this lifestyle for so long that its just his way, And if someone is getting things done for them then they are not going to think about how this may affect others as in his mind he is quite happy.
Maybe his grandmother likes him being there enjoys the fact that she has someone to take care of as my mum is the same with my lot and it can really be annoying at times when you want them to no what life is really all about as we all no grandmothers and grandpas are not going to be with us forever, My mum says just let me do it while I can, Thats all very well and good but she doesnt see my point that its going to be a big shock when they do have to do it for themselves.
About the phone love maybe he doesnt want one, Some people dont like them they prefere to not be called at anytime of the day or night so thats really up to him, The car well then he would have insurance and tax and petrol and other things to worry about and maybe he just doesnt want the added worry of these bills. He may well have a savings account somewere and not told anyone, Or he may just like to spend his money on his computor and games as it makes him happy. You canot change people they have to learn for themselves and want to change one day he will, If as I said he has been brought up this way its the norm to him and he probably doesnt no what all the fuss is about at this moment in time he is content and happy the way his life is, You have to ask yourself are you happy with your life? As if someone elses life style is affecting yours this way then deep down your not happy. Beacuse someone preferes a computor to a phone and games to a car doesnt make them a bad person it makes them there own person, And love is unconditional, If he were spending his money on other girls and going out getting drugs and spending more time with his mates than you then that would be different for you as thats lack of respect and you would then not have the lovely relationship you have said you have got, There are so many other things love that he could have done or is doing to hurt you but he isnt its just a computor and a few games and the fact that he has no home of his own yet, As time goes on things will have to change as life is always changing, Maybe if you have a proper sit down talk together to find out what he wants in life it will put your mind at rest, If he is kind and caring and good to you then you really cant ask for more than that as there are so many young women out there who have such a horrible time with abusive partners. And your not one of them. You cant change a person love he has to want to change for himself TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Hi,
He wont change until he is forced to. Why does he need to with all the support he is getting?
I know this may sound drastic, but you could try finishing with him and see what happens. If he loves you he will try to get you back, and if he cant be bothered to do anything to prove he is going to change, then move on and find a guy you could have a future with.
Good luck and Happy new year. XX
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