A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do you think I’m being stupid ? So I met this guy he was amazing I really liked him we dated for 3months and it was amazing however he has a very stressful job and he works very long hours and seeing eachother with my work aswell was becoming quite challenging and I go travelling which means we wouldn’t see eachother for over 2months. He’s said he has a lot on at work and can’t put his heart into getting his promotion and a relationship and he’s said he’s not in position to continue dating as he just doesn’t have the time and with going away he thinks at moment it isn’t right time. He’s said he won’t be seeing anyone and he needs to focus on his job. I’m so upset. I thought we actually got on. Anyway I’ve told him I’m not going to wait and he has said that if I’m still single when he has things sorted we could pick things back up. We have agreed to stay in contact we are still talking every day and he says he wants hear all about about my travels but do you think it’ll just end in my tears? Am I being stupid staying in touch with him? I genuinely like him and we have loads in common and I genuinely felt there was a connection there and he said he agrees but he’s just not in a position for a relationship right now whilst he’s going for promotion do you think someone would actually chose a job over a relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2023): You both have a timing issue here; and he's focusing on his career, which means he has to carefully set his priorities. I'm going to go out on a limb here by speaking in generalities; but quite often we get posts of this type from the ladies, not so many from men; were they become very emotionally-invested under shaky circumstances. Not knowing exactly if the guy of their dreams is as emotionally invested as they are.
In your case, I would recommend you pump the brakes; and not allow your emotions to get ahead of you. Take note of the fact that he has cautioned you, more than once, that he is uncertain about things; because he's working towards a promotion, and has other commitments regarding his job. You didn't really consciously consider these things; and allowed your feelings to proceed unchecked, without pacing yourself once he made you aware of these facts. You let your feelings continue to become more attached. You even mentioned the whole thing could result in your tears. Tears? You're an adult dealing with an adult situation. Drama has no place in any of this. You have the facts before you, and reasonable forewarning; which allows you to pace yourself and make keen decisions.
Don't handle this strictly with emotion, but employ your commonsense and exercise maturity. You will be in-touch; but you already know you'll be competing with his ambitions at the moment, and his work schedule will also be a hindrance. Probably, as well as your own.
If you feel this could end in tears; then now is the time to start detaching and slowly discontinuing contact. Meanwhile, keep dating and socializing for the sake of companionship and fun. Waiting, and not getting what you want, will certainly come to frustration; and you'll let your unfulfilled emotions drive you to bitterness and cynicism.
I don't recommend waiting when a romantic-connections is only a few weeks or months old. Time and distance are a strain on well-established relationships; and trying to hold-on to uncertainty is very hurtful when things don't turnout as hoped. If he's as emotionally-attached as you are, it will not matter to him whether you waited or not; he will make every reasonable attempt to maintain a connection, and follow-up to be sure his chances are still available once all his goals are accomplished.
Heed these warnings and red flags. If his contact starts to get scarce, and he makes a lot of excuses for being busy; he is politely giving you the space and opportunity to move on.
If you temper your feelings and emotions with commonsense; I think you can avoid this ending in tears.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 March 2023):
 "do you think someone would actually chose a job over a relationship?"
Whether I THINK someone should or shouldn't do something is irrelevant.
IF he believes that he WANTS that promotion MORE than he WANTS to keep building the relationship, I would wish him well, but I would NOT keep in contact. He made his choice and it wasn't you. At least not right now.
There are times when you find the "right" (kind) of person but it's not the "right" time. It does happen.
And personally? It's only been 3 months. I can see why he feels it's not TOO hard to choose his career over a relationship.
Also... you are prioritizing TRAVELLING over the relationship. Aren't you?
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