A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I posted a question a few days ago and felt like after getting some responses, I feel quite insecure of my plan. So, I’m 18 years, 19 soon, brought up with an Asian Chinese background. So I got re-in touch with an old friend of mine who I lost contact with for 4 years. So after reconnecting we've been keeping in touch since and we chat pretty often. I feel like things have been pretty great since me and this guy started talking. However, recently, he asked if I would like to meet up for lunch over the Christmas break. I panicked because I don't really know how to tell my parents.My parents tend to jump to conclusions about almost everything and the fact that I want to tell them that I want to meet up with this guy for lunch, I think it might become rather disastrous. Don't get me wrong, I know parents are trying to protect me and all. But they have this judgemental side of them as well, like if I mention about a guy and say we want to meet up, they'll immediately make some kind of judgement of the boy and probably say no to letting me go and meet him. However, my parents met my ex when he came over once to pay me a visit and they immediately gave me the okay to be with him. I explained to this guy that my parents might be more comfortable if they've met him before I hang out with him. And he's obliging in that sense and said that that's fine and he doesn't mind doing that if that is the one thing he needs to do to hang out with me. I was pretty shocked by his reaction honestly. Here's also a thing, my parents seem to have this idea where just because they don't know him, they make the assumption that I don't either. Like I'm not sure if I can really explain it. But I knew this guy since we were 10, we met in sport competitions through friends and we were in touch for awhile until I left the sporting scene and we met in 2013 when I visited one of the competitions and then only we lost contact until this year. As I thought about asking him to come over to meet my parents, I started to panic because 1. I don't want my parents to think I'm dating him because we're not dating at all. 2. I am scared that they will hound me down with 1000 questions (it makes me nervous idk why) 3. I'm afraid that they'll make a judgement before even meeting him. (I know they'll like this friend if they get to know him)I haven't mentioned to my parents that I've been talking to this guy actually and actually, I know that I'm 18 and legal and should take charge. Main thing is that my parents still see me as a little child who is defenceless which I do not blame them. However, I wish that they'll loosen up a little on me? If that makes sense. My plan of a meet up is to go to a mall as I usually do with my schoolmates and just have lunch or watch a movie if there’s a movie I really want to see. Fairly simple and out in the open. So how should I approach them with this? I've never been in such a situation as usually I hang out with schoolmates.
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christmas, insecure, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 December 2017):
 You need to accept that you are an adult now and stop allowing your parents to control you. Yes most parents are worried and get concerned but your parents at the moment are being controlling. Be straight with them tell them he is a friend and you are meeting up for dinner that you have knowing him a long time. You need to get out off the habit off asking there permission and acting like a responsible adult.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (22 November 2017):
 Parents eh? What can you do with them? First piece of advice is to stop conforming to their idea of you. You say: "If I mention about a guy and say we want to meet up, they'll immediately make some kind of judgement of the boy and probably say no to letting me go and meet him". That sounds like you are still letting them make your decisions for you.
As to your new guy, why don't you arrange a meeting for you all on neutral territory. Perhaps you could all share a meal in a restaurant for example. If you and your new man pay for it then so much the better.
Part of proving to your folks that you are old enough to make your own choices is to stand up to them. If you don't you will forever be their little girl who can't cut the apron strings.
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