A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok here it goes,We talk about the future lots, of commiting to each other, finding a house together and many many cats. We're almost fully integrated into each other's families such that visiting is like stepping into a second home. My boyfriend of almost 3 years (we are in our early 20s and finishing up our last year's of university) have gone through what I believe are a magnitude of life hardships uncharacteristic of most people around our age. However, despite whatever life throws at us, there's nothing that has made me question that he gets me and understands me, waits for me, accepts all and every part of me including mental health problems and substance abuse from my past. However, as we're nearing graduation, I'm starting to feel anxiety. He's been smoking weed since his teen years and it has never gotten in the way of our relationship. However, I fear that it may have an affect on our future. I want to accept that this is a part of his life, but I also am starting to feel more and more anxious about wanting to spend more time with him not in a high state. I want to start being more serious about the time we spend together and the direction that our lives are taking at this crucial point in time but I don't know how to address these with him. I also don't want it to come across as if I'm putting pressure on him since he's been smoking for quite a few years and because I've been sober for a year from amphetamine abuse. Thank you for any help,
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female
reader, Reina11  +, writes (12 August 2015):
As someone who's socially circle isnt exactly drug shy, i have seen more people loose all sense of person due to years of weed use rather than any other drug, if hes doing about a sixteenth to eighth every day, trust me it will start to effect his life ridiculously, ask him to stop hitting the cush for a week and see if he can function without it, if he still seems out of it/ like he is still high, he should really cut down. Say its important to you, you care about him, and if he doesnt appreciate that you need some sober time with your boyfriend, and that its not fair on you to deal with him inebriated all the time, then he is being quite selfish and he needs to be told that.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (7 August 2015):
 Excellent post. Wise question. If your plan is to have kids they will likely be exposed to his habit and may even take it on as they get older. ive seen this repeatedly in western families. To a degree he may be addicted and that too could cause future problems bc he will be constantly using and you will get sick of it. Could be a deal breaker approach him calm n gently about it.
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