A
female
age
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*E_NOW
writes:How can I get over the pain that my first husband caused me? It has been over 20 years and I have tried everything I know to let it go but the pain is still there. My second husband died after 7 1/2 years of complications from a brain tumor. I have no one to talk to. I can't make friends. I work hard and try to forget but it doesn't work. I go to church and am actively involved but it only helps for a short time. I am busy with all sorts of activities but the pain is still there under it all. There must be a way but I haven't been able to find it not even in being married to a kind and caring person for that short while. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 April 2012):
 You don't say what kind of pain your first husband caused you to have..physical? emotional? and since you don't go into details, we can only guess, but the bottom line is..WHY are you still in that kind of pain after 20 years? That is very sad, and you need to take care of yourself so that you can be in a better place. Have you considered getting counselling? Perhaps talking to a licensed caring individual could help you figure things out and give you closure. Its certainly worth a try. Its too sad to still be hanging on to pain for that long of a period. Please reach out and ask for help.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 April 2012):
 There is a thing called the pain body which is triggered by life events. It has to function to protect you from being hurt again but life as no guarantees. I don't think your first husband is to be blamed for all the pain in your life. Your second husband died and caused you pain although he had done nothing wrong but your first husband you want him to be held accountable because at least he could undo the hurt, change to make things better. In reality he is long gone too so all you could do is look forward to the future. There is an emptiness when you lose your spouse. The pain is not being able to fill that emptiness. Instead of trying to get rid of pain, embrace it and accept that it will always be a part of you.
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