A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a nineteen-year-old male college student who has never kissed a girl. I don't lack the tools necessary: I'm physically attractive, funny, and a hecka bomb musician. My problem is that I am afraid to make a mistake.I didn't even kiss the first girl I fell in love with. We spent so much time together, and I just never made a move because I was afraid (and also a little uncomfortable kissing her because she already had a boyfriend. It was a pretty fucked up situation.) I mean, we both really liked each other and we talked about this stuff, our relationship grew in every sense but physical. And then it died because we both got fed up and did some pretty fucked up shit to each other emotionally. So she and I went our separate ways and moved on.Sort of. She was the only girl I'd have felt comfortable having a sexual relationship with. I still haven't gotten to first-base with a girl. It's been like a year and a half now. I'm living in a shell. I don't put myself out there to girls I like. They're the independent type, the type that can do better than me, an insecure virgin, which makes it all the more difficult. And I just can't find it in me to pursue sex with a girl I don't care about. I don't want to do anything for the wrong reasons. I don't want to regret it.Which would all be fine, but I am really beginning to feel that I NEED to get a partner and gain sexual experience. I'm in college. All my friends are attractive and quite capable of getting laid. It's becoming a matter of just fitting in. Feeling satisfied. I'm hella lonely. I'm almost nineteen years old now and it is straight up getting a little too late I think. So I'm worried about it because I'm lonely, not fitting in with this whole machismo deal that my friends got going on, and I don't want to have sexual problems down the road because I've been a virgin so long!Has anybody else been in this situation? I just want to enjoy life, but I can't get this dilemma out of my head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): OK, you really need to chill. It's unfortunate that you were so worried about mistakes that you weren't able to make them with that other girl. The younger you are, the easier that mistakes are brushed off. But at 19 you're still young enough to get away with them.
And honestly, what mistakes can you really make at first base? Or at second or third? It's all a learning experience, and if both you and her are having hormones happen, it's really tough to get it very wrong. Relax, man! There's a reason people say "let nature take its course." Mother Nature has been taking care of things for thousands of years. I rather doubt she'll let you down, as long as you just relax and go with the flow.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I can tell you this, I was your age when I met my first GF, and she taught me plenty! Sex was great and she was inventive! You need to relax, as the harder you want this, the more desprite you're going to get and women can see this and may avoid you. Relax, slow down, create a cool and collected personality and start simply talking to women.
It will happen!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009): I have been in your exact situation. I am also 19, about to turn 20 and i have never kissed a guy before. like you, i fell in love with someone but all i got was a strong emotional attachment with no physical contact. and in the end i was the one that screwed things up. but about your dilemma. girls love virgins. my friends actually prefer to date virgin guys because they feel there is less pressure there. i can tell that you are a good guy because you want to be with a girl you care about. and when you find that girl she is not going to care about whether or not you have any experience. she might even prefer you have none that way she knows you are clean :) so my advice is to wait just a little bit longer. as a college student myself, i understand the pressure there but having sex to soon with someone you dont care about might just confuse you more. hope this helps.
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