A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I work with this person and we have been friends since we were 16. She has always been a bit mean but accepted my hospitality on many occasions including us taking her for holidays. She has a real problem. She leaves her purse at home by mistake, doesn’t have enough to pay, doesn’t bring wine for dinner when asked, winces when you ask her for money she owes. She invites people for sausage and mash then gets them doing jobs at her house. She always manages to get people into situations where it would be embarrassing to say no. Since her divorce she got a tattoo on her behind, is dating a married man with whom she plans threesomes, talking about her sex life in sickening detail and she thinks she is irresistable to men of all ages despite being 48. She wears tarty clothes to the pub sometimes and think she looks gorgeous but all the men I know laugh at her and it makes me sad. It isn’t that she is unttractive but she is being completely innapropriate.Now she has roped me in to a project she is working on and I have had to speak to my manager about my concerns. But it isn’t just that – I am sad but finding her almost unbearable and yet it is very difficult to gracefully back off after all these years.One of our friends tried to tell her but she just cut her out and didn’t listen. Help!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (2 September 2010):
Hi there. It is a bit awkward after knowing her for so long. However, she is using people a bit, isn't she?
If I were you, I wouldn't be accepting her invitations and just saying - "I'm sorry, but I can't I have something on", and don't give any details. In other words, make excuses as often as you can. Thereby not getting yourself into the position where you are forced to help (because you don't like to say no).
Don't be angry or upset, just say that you are busy and leave it at that. It would be a good idea if any other friends of this person do the same. The best solution is prevention. But always be respectful and kind, and calm. Don't get uncomfortable either, about saying no.
It is often very hard to say "No" to people who are close to us, but sometimes it is for the best of all concerned, to do so. Otherwise the whole situation just goes on and on incessantly. Then eventually, resentment builds and that's not healthy for anyone.
Unfortunately you can't really do anything about her inappropriate behaviour and dressing cheap when she goes out. She is going to have to reach a point in her life where she has to decide whether she likes living her life that way and how she feels about herself living it this way. Only time will tell.
As you say she has got a divorce, perhaps she is breaking out of the mould and "letting loose" in some way. Sometimes people do wild things like this and it might well be a part of her personal life journey, trying to find herself and where she wants to go from here and in the future. She does seem lost at the moment, but in time all the pieces of the puzzle will fall into place for her, I'm sure. It might be sooner that you all realize.
I sincerely hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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