A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have known this guy for about 6 years. A girlfriend of mine visited me from Turkey and stayed with me in the states. I don't have details but I thought she was hoping to have a relationship with him. She is married with kids now.Out of the blue one day, he asked me out to the movies and I declined, A year after he shows up at my birthday party. I still did not give him any time of the day. Then this past weekend I got invited to a lounge by a friend who happened to invite his friend. He shows up and this time started buying us ladies drinks. And started flirting with me. For the first time, he became real to me. We shared a lot in common. Politics, close knit family, music e.t.c I think he was trying too hard to prove to me that he is not only chasing a music career and he does have a job and ambition. I must admit this was one of the reason I never even checked him out. I started becoming attracted to him all of a sudden. We danced and after the night we all went to a diner to have breakfast.He was holding my hands the whole time. It really felt good. After breakfast, I had to drive him to his car because his brother left him. We were both tipsy so finding his car was difficult. The 1hr haunt for the car caused us to bond more, laugh and open up more about what we liked about each other.Finally found the car. He came out to smoke and I reached for my trunk to grab a bottle of water. Then it happened. He reached for my face so gently and proceeded to kiss me. I looked at him and turned my face slightly then he whispered something in my ear and I just gave in. We were tonguing each other down so passionately. He lifted my big butt up the car and stroked my waist so seductively. I was in heaven and still am. We must have kissed for closely half an hour then I asked to go home. He begged me to come home with him. My senses kicked in right away. I didn't want to be a booty girl for the night so I declined.Next day, I received a text asking if I made it to church and I responded yes. He told me its been difficult to get things done and that was it. The last I heard from him. I am still smitten. My body is still craving his touch. I am wondering why he is not attempting to keep the conversation going. I do not want to chase and have not called him either.Now the problem is his birthday is coming up and I remember him saying he may be having a party. If he invites me, I am scared to go. I may not know how to act. I want him to want me and say everything he said to me that night. Am I setting myself up for failure? Should I just let him be and not call him until he makes a move?
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ambition, drunk, flirt, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell maybe I'm not that interested afterall. My last relationship blew it for everyone. I just don't think one night of passionate kiss takes away from the fact that he may not be right for me. He smokes, drinks and I'm not too sure we are both at the same level in life. He is still maturing and just making changes in his life. I don't feel like waiting.
If we got together it may just be for the physical and that I don't want. So I think I finally got it.
If he asked me out maybe I'll find out that all these flaws dont matter but for now all I know is what I see. I don't him deep down. I don't want to be forward and ask him out either. Doesn't look like he is so I guess I just won't ever know if we really do have a real connection there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I just thought he should ask directly. Also I was wondering if it will feel awkward going there by myself. No one of my friends wanted to go. What if I went and acted desperate or I see him flirting with another chick? Can I control myself? All the worries made me feel something is just not right with how I feel. Now I feel like I should have atleast told him I wasn't coming why does it have to be me blowing hot and cold. He is not even trying. I didn't ask for the mind blowing kiss. He did.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (17 September 2013):
 I just feel you have not been very clear with him and have shown clear disinterest at times, e.g. going back to him asking you out on a date (movies) and you refusing, then not giving him the time of day at your birthday. What was the reason for those times you pushed him away?
He already asked you directly about his party when he sent the invite. Then when you didn't respond, he resorted to hints. There's only so many time a person wants to be knocked back/ sending out repeated invitations with no response.
OP, you my have very good reasons to steer clear of him and I'm just not getting it. I'd always say to trust your gut instincts, and if they are to stay away from him that's fine. In that case, it probably is best to move on or you two will continue dancing around each other in confusion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I just thought he should ask directly. Also I was wondering if it will feel awkward going there by myself. No one of my friends wanted to go. What if I went and acted desperate or I see him flirting with another chick? Can I control myself? All the worries made me feel something is just not right with how I feel. Now I feel like I should have atleast told him I wasn't coming why does it have to be me blowing hot and cold. He is not even trying. I didn't ask for the mind blowing kiss. He did.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (17 September 2013):
What was the "certain way" you felt that stopped you going to his birthday? And why didn't you tell him whether or not you were going?
He's probably scratching his head and wondering whether you're interested, to be honest.
I don't really understand why you're blowing hot and cold?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. He called back. I didn't answer. He followed up with a text next day then I responded. We chatted for a few. Then that night his birthday invite cane through. I didn't respond if I was coming or not. His bday I text him to say happy birthday. He asked what I was doing that night, I told him I was just leaving dinner and heading home. He told me he was heading to the same lounge we flirted at the other night.
Next day I decided not to go. I felt a certain way. He sent some update to his invite text. Sound like they were subliminals for me to tell him if I was coming. Anyways I just didn't go or call. I haven't heard from him since then.
What does all these mean? Does this mean move on. He was never interested?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe didn't answer the call. I didn't know what to say so I didn't leave a message. This is exactly why I didn't want to call. I hate how I feel thereafter. I'm losing hope in anything coming out of this. So it must just besexual ttension afterall.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 September 2013):
Yeah, you've got nothing to lose, OP. Just take it at your pace (i.e. no rushing to bed before you're ready). Sounds like he's been interested for a while :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has asked me out on multiple dates back then and I have always declined and not interested. This makes me to feel like he may not be pushing hard for my attention again. Should I atleast call him to spark off conversation or open the door where he feels comfortable enough to ask me out again?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 September 2013):
Hi OP,
If he likes you that much, and/or generally feels like he's in the right place to date and have a relationship, he can ask you out on a date. He could do that old fashioned thing and court you. If he's not asking you on dates, and tries to have sex with you again at his birthday party, you know what he's after.
Yes, I'd let him make the first move, and if he doesn't then move on; chalk it up as a nice experience.
If you do go to the party, keep the alcohol consumption low so you don't get carried away. It's difficult when there's such a strong physical attraction, and that can be overwhelming. But keep your standards up, wait for him to show that he wants to date you, not just have sex.
Good luck.
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