A
female
age
36-40,
*xCutiePaTootiexX
writes:hey guys my name is faith and i am having a bit of an issue. i cannot seem to get over this jealousy of one of my bf's ex girlfriends. We have been dating for a year now and im sure your thinking oh my gosh not another one of these. well my story might be a little different. i was made fun of for 3 years in middle and highschool and it made my insecurity level beyond bad..i felt like such a freak. alothough i am passed all that i was diagnosed with ocd whether it was from genetics or i was just one of those lucky girls who developed it from such pain i went through. even though people now look at me and dont believe that i was made fun of..i still remember..becuase it changed me..it did make me stronger..but i still have some major insecurites. anyways..what does this have to do with his ex?? well i never met the girl..i have seen her facebook and pictures.. she lives like 2 hours away..and they dont keep in touch at all..i know that he loves me..and we are so happy together.. he makes me feel like im on top of the world..i just wish her ghost didnt affect the way i feel about some things. he is a few years older than me..and i wonder if they had more fun since he was in that party phase..even though he said he didnt party that much and he mentioned she was a total bitch and treated him like crap..his family hated her..but for some silly reason i feel like she has something over me..and i just want to let it go. We have talked about it before..but i never really bring it up becuase i am trying to let it go.. i know this is stupid but its really upsetting. if any one out there has any suggestions..it would mean alot to me. i know i am not alone in this situation..and i hope time will just heal it.
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female
reader, XxCutiePaTootiexX +, writes (8 October 2008):
XxCutiePaTootiexX is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks guys i really appreciate it. I am seeing a counsellor..and i am making progress with my fears. Im not going to let her ruin what i have with him !! Yes i have talked to him about it..and he doesnt get upset..and i never bring it up..so im not like nagging or anything..i just need to accept it..and i guess it just takes time.
A
male
reader, Butterman +, writes (7 October 2008):
I think you answered your own question. It sounds to me that your OCD is taking over and causing you to doubt yourself.
Try and think of it this way. There is NO WAY you can depend on someone else to make YOU HAPPY. You must be happy with yourself. You mentioned that you had some insecurities in your past from bullying and teasing and now your boyfriend makes you feel special. I think you are obsessing about how scared and insecure you would feel if he left you.
I think you may need to talk to a family counselor to get a hold of your insecurities. It sounds like you may need a bit of cognitive re-structuring of your thought process in terms of your self esteem and how others perceive you. This is not a big undertaking. There are even online/phone counselors available.
And know this.... if you can't let this go, it will drive your boyfriend away.
Drink some calming tea a few times a day, and just relax and be yourself. That's all you can do in this life!
An OCD and obsessing tidbit: Some of the things that you fear will likely NEVER come to pass. If they do, there will nothing you can do about them anyway. So, don't obsess over "what ifs."
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A
female
reader, elemuse +, writes (7 October 2008):
That happened to me too. My boyfriend wanted to get back at me for saying that a guy was cute by saying that one of his ex-girlfriends was prettier than me. Later when I expressed that this hurt my feelings, he insisted that she was a bitch and not important to him... Although curiously enough, merely talking about her sparked emotion in him.It's my thought that if you're really over someone, you are not emotionally affected in a positive nor negative way when recounting what had happened with that person. If your boyfriend makes you feel important and special now, that's wonderful! You don't know how lucky you are. If you're jealous of his ex, make sure you know the reason.Does he get upset when he talks about her? If not chances are he simply doesn't care about her at all, and you're free.Maybe it's her looks? That's a big reason to be insecure about an ex. But if he doesn't keep in contact with her or even attempt to, then I would say that he's not interested in her at all.Look at another case scenario-- What if he was trying to get back in touch with her or googling her name or something? Those are some real signs of trouble. If he's not doing those things, then he's definitely loyal to you.
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