A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years---we've been through A LOT together (car accident, stolen vehicle, living together for a month, etc) so there is that attachment. Back in October I told him I needed some space---I had a HUGE job commitment and told him I needed some time to focus on this aspect of my life. He said he didn't want anyone else but me and he would always be there for me. We never really fought or got into arguments. During the time I needed "space" we still hung out and talked on the phone, just not as frequent. Now that my job commitment is over and I can truly focus on our relationship 100%, he tells me that he doesn't want to be with me any longer, just friends, and he is dating other people.What should I do? I miss him so much and in no way wanted our relationship to end. I feel so helpless!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Thank you everyone for your answers....
I think I forgot to put in a very IMPORTANT detail here. This is both of our first jobs out of college---we have very high profile careers in a very large city. The job I had to do, which was HUGE, is an experience I might never have again in my life. He knew that as well as I. During this "space" time as well, he was offered a position in Indiana. I told him that he should fully think about this opportunity for himself, excluding myself from the picture and looking for his best interest. When you really love someone, that is what you do. You put them before yourself. I could in no way say "Don't go because of me" because if he looked back later down the line, he would think I held him back from it and might regret it and me.
I'm only 24 years old and am still figuring everything out in life but I thought I had this clear: When you truly love someone, not infatuation love, but real love, you stick with them through thick and thin. Life will always have its ups and downs but it makes you stronger together.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 May 2008):
 I see your side in needing the space. I see his side as well in not wanting to do it again. What I see when someone says "I need space" is, "my life is too complicated and busy to include you." or "the issues which cause needing space have to deal with being with you because you're who I'm taking space from."
What do you believe he's thinking? Maybe, "If we try again, how long before she needs space again." To some just bringing up taking a break is a form of being rejected.
I'm sorry this happened to you. All you can do is be honest with him. Ask him if he's afraid this might happen again. Put yourself in his shoes and make a list of concerns you might have, and during conversation address those concerns.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (6 May 2008):
 In a word: "Wow"...
To give you an answer, yeah it's possible to get things rolling again. If he's just dating around and doesn't have a committed thing going on, I say that it sounds like in the time you were in your space for work, your relationship regressed some. That's fine, it happens... you might be more at the stage where you might have first met: "friends" ...what it sounds like to me is that you've got to re-build that trust. Start hanging out and doing some of those earlier things you use to do... cheap-date dinners and local Chinese, movies, renting movies and parking it on the couch. You need to bring back the energy that leaked away while you were working... does that make sense? I hope it helps... oh, don't force it. Let it all recover naturally. If it's meant to be, it will happen... but don't force it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): You shouldn't have been selfish and asked for space over a job! Relationships should always come bore a career. You learnt that the hard way!
You can't poke yourself in the eye and not expect some pain from it!
No it's time to move on and find someone new.
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