A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. In advance, I'd like you to know I don't want to be judged harshly for this post. I'm going through something personal and I literally have no idea what to do. I've weighed the pros and cons and I still don't know. Anyway, I've been in a decent relationship with a man my age for nearly two years. He's utterly respectful of and to me, we share nearly every view on politics, and we're open in discussion about religion and spirituality. We got into our relationship literally a week after I got out of a terrible 3.5 year relationship that left me broken and bruised (both figuratively and literally) while he'd already been single for nearly two years. A couple people thought he would be my rebound but the rest thought we were perfect for each other.I thought so, too, and honestly, I still do. Unfortunately, I'm going through a sort of phase, I guess. We're 22, intensely broke like 22 year olds usually are, neither of us has a college degree (although, we're both working on our respective Associate's), and things are getting hard financially and emotionally. I was a suitcase away from leaving him yesterday because I felt I couldn't take it anymore. He applied to an auto manufacturer several months ago, got his orientation day fixed up last month, and he has yet to get a call for his actual start date. The wait is excruciating for us financially. I love him, I do. So much. And I can't imagine a life without him. But life kind of sucks right now. My parents were teenagers when they had me so of course I know what it's like to struggle but I've always promised myself that I would never land in that kind of situation. Fortunately, I'm not a parent, yet.I wanted to do so much with my life before he and I started dating and I thought being with him would give me that opportunity. Don't get me wrong, he's very supportive of (and even encourages) my decision to become an RN and spend money on myself. But... I never spend money on myself. It's always on bills and him (however, he's never asked for anything, I just spoil him) because he's still making minimum wage until we get that glorious call. When we've gotten into fights, he's told me several times that he doesn't deserve me and that's just his pessimistic side showing like it usually does. He's got VERY low self-esteem and hates his body (he's a bigger, taller guy with cystic acne and he's going bald). But I love him and he's a very good man. Sometimes, I feel I like I don't deserve HIM and that may be the response of some of you guys.I just don't know. It's hard and I'm drowning in life. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2012): His life is likely to be blighted by low self esteem caused by cystic acne. I'm speaking as one who knows. So although this isn't the answer to your question he should make a priority of treating his skin and then his self worth will rocket and potentially so too will his earning power.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (14 May 2012):
 One, are you leaving ihim because he does not take care of himself physically?
Or is it truly finances.
If it is finances, DON'T SPEND MONEY ON HIM, spend money on what needs to be spent on and save.
If he wants to lose weight, he should lose it, it is that simple.
Work on your RN degree, but in the meantime work on something like phlebotomy, which is one semester and is average starting salary of 30 k a year and benefits after 90 days.
Fact is, you are over complicating everything for nothing.
You can mope and be miserable, or you can be happy and do what you need to do.
He can mope and be miserable, or he can be happy and do what he needs to do.
Quit frivolously spending money, get a certification that is good for the RN program anyway, so you make good money til you get the degree, and get buy a membership to a local rec center for 60 a year.
If *ACTUALLY* want something, you will make it happen. If you don't it won't happen.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 May 2012):
 I think you are being WAAAY too hard on yourself. There is no reason you should be judged harshly here.
My suggestion is to take each day as it comes instead of trying to plan out the rest of your life here and now. I don't mean hang about in a fruitless union forever. Just that you don't have to make an immediate decision. There is no deadline except the one you impose.
If you think there is hope, then instead of focusing on money do things that are fun and cost little to nothing. Being happier inspires optimism and optimism sees new possibilities. When you aren't so focussed on the problem ideas will come to you.
In the meantime, use some self discipline and stop spoiling him. That isn't helping your situation. It's hard for either of you to feel good about spending money you can ill afford.
Stop reassuring him about his looks or your feelings for him. That only focusses on the negative. He's heard you and there is no better way to say what's been said a hundred times.
Take day trips through the city, go for long walks, feed the squirrels in the park, visit the library. Instead of evening show, see a matinee at the cinema. They're cheaper. Visit friends, visit family, borrow a DVD or two from someone, stay in and make a night of it.
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