A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a long distance relationship with my 35 year old boyfriend for nearly 1 1/2 years. I have never been with a man this long (whilst all his relationships have been long-term) and I am not sure how to handle my current situation. At first he was the most loving, attentive, kindest, and most understanding man I had ever met and I thought he was 'The One'. He started mentioning 6 months into the relationship that we weren't seeing enough of each other and he wanted us to move together which I was thrilled about, but shortly after that I lost my job due to the credit crunch so we have had to put things on hold. Since then, things to me seem to have slowly gone off the boil to the point that I would say we are simply long distance friends who occasionally meet up, sometimes only once a month, but my boyfriend doesn't think this is any big deal. We haven't had full sex since March as I had developed a sexual problem. My boyfriend was so understanding about it. I got checked out by the doctor and had a medical condition which is now resolved. However, then my boyfriend started to have problems in that department and we have had no sexual contact of any kind since July. I seem to be getting very mixed messages from him. We go out together but most of the time he will find a reason why he can't do what I want to do and if there is any chance that we will be alone together then he definitely won't do it! I try to reach out to him, even to hold his hand, but after a matter of seconds he lets go. Last weekend I arranged an outing and he said he was ill but I had a gut feeling he was going to bail out on him so I didn't believe him, although I didn't say it in so many words. I messaged him on Monday saying that I hadn't thought he wanted to go and he didn't text me back at all. By Friday I was getting frantic because I hadn't heard from him so I text him and he told me he hadn't got the message! Again, I am not sure that I believe him because these days whenever I have got something serious I want to discuss with him he seems to bury his head in the sand, pretend it isn't happening and wait for it to go away which he never used to do. However, if he really hadn't got the text then why on earth didn't he contact me to see how I was?! It seems to take longer and longer for him to make contact. He's been tetchy with me at times, withdrawn and very cold lately, and he seems to be keeping his weekends (Sun/Mon) free. I have confided in several friends that I think he might be having an affair but they don't believe that is the issue at all. They seem to think he has a health issue that he feels he can't talk to me about. One friend who I've told about the sexual problems thinks it is those that are causing him to be like this. I did wonder if he was depressed as his brother and friends said that he hadn't been over to see them in weeks either so it is not just me that he is being like this with. I need some ideas from you all as to how I can get him to tell me what is troubling him and then if that doesn't work then I think I will have make a very hard decision as to whether I continue with the relationship or not.
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affair, depressed, long distance, mixed messages, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Who wants a life time of guessing? never quite knowing? having to ask friends and strangers what his problem is? his problem is very shortly he is going to loose the love and respect and understanding of a special partner if he doesn't start to communicate with you. We always make excuses for others bad behaviour and look for justification such as depression as to why a person is acting cold to us. Depression could be the case quite true, but what does he do Sundays and Mondays? i thought depression would just keep him sat indoors on his own? Follow your gut instinct and find out what this depressed man does habitually on these two days and why and above all why not with you. This is where the truth is hidden!
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