A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Cliff note:I need some general dating advice on courting an "alpha female" - you know, the independent, ambitious, and career driven woman. Let's also compound the challenge by throwing out most conventional dating wisdom because she is in medicine, and has unpredictable and demanding responsibilities. Overview: I'm in law, she is in medicine. I am very self-confident, and she is assertive. White collar clash, essentially, where both partners believe that they are God's greatest gift.I knew that dating this woman had the potential to create various friction points, but I gave it a shot anyway because I am genuinely interested in her.I am having difficulty in gauging her level of interest, however, because she is constantly canceling/postponing dates, and rarely initiates text/phone conversations.Issue:Generally, when a woman does this (flaky), it demonstrates a lack of interest and is a sign that the man should move on to someone else. However, since she is a physician, I am a little thrown off as to whether I need to show some patience, or if she is not interested (dating for convenience, not purpose).In fact, I am under the impression that regardless of how demanding a woman's career is, if she is interested, she will move mountains to contact/see you. Like I said, however, she is in medicine, so the lens with which I view the subject is a bit blurry. Now, being in law, I understand career demands and long hours. However, I can and am willing to take time to at least demonstrate interest call/text and try to schedule dates. I would like to think that if I can do it, so can she.Questions:1. Do I move on?2. Is it her career or disinterest that makes her flaky?3. Do I exercise patience and continue to make effort to reach out?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): It is worth it. Dont go too sensitive with her. dont ask her why she doesnt respond to you.Pursue her. thats what career oriented women need. Someone who wont give up. Someone who is STRONG enough to pursue them. Ur about to experience a true romance here, buddy. Be a gentleman to her. Most chances are she is insecure deep down and will mess this up. But thats when u'll come back and show her you're the one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): I am a Consultant at a London teaching Hospital and often you have to cancel dates even though you don't want to. You are there for the greater good of mankind not yourself so you always put your needs second. I find at the end of a shift that I am extremely tired so food bought in or made for me is always a good one as I don't have to do anything. I also like being wooed - I like flowers being sent, I like to be asked out for dinner and cocktails although I invariably cancel and I like to be spoilt. A good holiday is always nice as you know you are going to get dedicated time off and you don't want to waste it so normally want it planned meticulously. I personally want someone I can converse with on a variety of intelligent topics, do not want anyone with any baggage and someone who is succesful themselves. They normally have to bring something to the table that I can't provide for myself too.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 You need to talk to her about this and tell her how you're feeling. It's early days so give it time. Ultimately if you're not happy you need to tell her why.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Since it's early days yet , it's too soon to make absolute assessments, so , I'd try a bit more to see how it goes , and if she still keeps remorselessly flaking out, or strives to find some balance between her personal and professional life.
In general , though, yeah, let's not exaggerate with the mystique of the superbusy, work obsessed doctor. When there's a will there's a way, and an interested woman , without actually moving mountains, will compromise, and find a way to make you feel she is "there" even if she cannot be physically present many hours a week.
I 've got several doctors girl friends , and they all, lo and behold, have so far always managed to date , mate and reproduce . One is a pediatric surgeon in a big hospital, and several times she had to work even in the middle of the night to work on emergencies. Neverthless , she got the time to make 4 kids from 2 husbands so far.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (8 November 2012):
 You were direct with her. She didn't return the favor. Unfortunately, that doesn't look good, but you can't assume anything without proof.
Ask her point blank if she sees this relationship moving forward.
Her answer will point you in the direction you need to go next, either with her or without.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've been seeing one another for roughly 3 weeks now. And we have a very playful and fun time together; complete with banter and inside jokes.
I explained to her after the first week that I am a direct communicator and encouraged her to be the same. That is, if either party feels that they no longer desire to date, then to be direct about it. She appreciated my candor, and so I assumed that she would be direct, henceforth.
It's interesting that you mention that she may be feeling vulnerable, or being cautious, and that she wants to see if I will disappear if it gets complicated.
She did mention that previous suitors "left" her or did not want to commit, and she was puzzled by it.
I have no qualms chasing her - I think it is the man's job to court, and I have zero reservations going after what I want (not trying sound like she is an object).
However, I'm also binary in thought - is it worth it, is it not? - and will stop any "chase" if I feel that 1. I am wasting my time, or 2. that my self-respect is being lost over it.
At this point, I can't entirely trust my gut instincts because of her profession. Dating a physician is complicated, and I'm learning as I go.
Like I said, though, I feel that if she were interested, she would at least make some sort of effort to give me something to "chase." Even something simple as initiating a call/text once in a while.
Needless to say, I am thoroughly confused.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (8 November 2012):
 Well you don't really say how long you've been pursuing her but I think you should keep trying. I do think her career is getting in the way and also I think she is keeping a close reign on her vulnerability. She's being cautious. Maybe she needs to know you're work for it. She may need to know you're not going to disappear just because things are complicated. If you're interested, keep chasing. Women love to be chased, even alpha females.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2012): I think that if you're not getting what you need out of a relationship, you should move on. Trying to settle for less only leads to grief in my experience.
One thing I might try before giving up is to tell her. If she cares, she might make a change. If she doesn't or if she can't, then at least you won't waste your time nor regret your decision to move on.
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