A
male
age
41-50,
*eryconfusedman
writes:sorry, this is a long one....So, this girl and I at work have become fantastic friends. We only met 6 months ago, but it all happened so quickly, we just tell each other everything, and understand each other so well. She has a long term BF, who she loves.Anyway, recently after a few drinks (you know the story)... we slept together.Now, inevitabley, things are completely weird at work. She's completley avoiding me, which is really hard to bear, given we shared everything. She says she still wants us to be friends, but I can tell she's avoiding me.Just to be clear, she doesn't want a relationship with me, and I don't want one with her, so there's no problem there. I just want us to be friends again, and it's killing me to see her all day, every day, when she won't even talk to me...While I am worried about our friendship, and that is what I'm obsessing over, I know that she had never cheated on her boyfriend before...so I'm guessing she's probably got bigger things that she's worried about than me??? (i.e. questioning herself?, wanting to do the right thing by her man and avoid me?)Can someone please give me a hint on what she might be thinking? and given she said she still wants to be friends, how long it might take for her to begin to feel comfortable with me again??
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female
reader, becks81 +, writes (21 October 2008):
 Hmmm are you sure you don't have feelings for her?? I'm not convinced!! if you say so i guess only you know what angle you're looking at here right.
Ok a female perspective well if she's like me or my friends she would want to get things out in the open generally women are good at this because sometimes we tend to perhaps over analyse things sometimes and it's the only way we can perhaps come to terms/ realise this has happened hope this makes sense.
So she's going to be suffering a lot here i know i would be from regret sorry but if she loves her boyfriend she should be! embarrassment about what happened that must be harder for her at work with you as well. She may feel guilty for perhaps giving you the wrong message you two saying you dont want anything from this is one thing but she might worry this will complicate things.
It's good she has at least acknowledged the friendship status so that's a good start believe her and give her space women deal with infidelity differently from men sometimes or actually very often.
It's important to understand you dont owe her anything and vice-verse yes you might of been friends/still are but nobody has to want to remain friends here maybe that hasn't crossed your mind yes you work togther but work and play are two different things it could be for the best in the long haul for your sakes and your colleagues.
Give her time and space respect that she needs her own time to figure out whats shes doing/done i think this is a big deal it would be to most women she has cheated that's an issue. Maybe you need time to readjust as well i mean the boundaries of this friendship have well and truly been crossed ask yourself why you did this.
Good luck
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