A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice on getting guys to approach me. Guys look at me all the time but I never get approached. I don’t want to sound too vain but sometimes they turn their heads in the street to look at me. As for none of these guys approaching me, I think this is probably because of the impression that I give out, i.e. ‘;don’t even think about approaching me’ (I don’t make much eye contact and if I do I never smile at them). I probably wouldn’t approach me either! An older female colleague once told me that she doesn’t believe I don’t get approached and then said that I must come across like a b**** and no guy in their right mind would even attempt for fear I’ll bite his head off (and it’s sad to think that while putting on this front I’m secretly wishing to be approached). I have realized that I do this out of a fear of rejection. If I was to look at a guy, smile, say hello and he just walks past me without even a glance I would feel rejected. I know it’s stupid and too sensitive of me but I can’t help it. I’ve always done really well in other areas of my life and it seems like I don’t take rejection well. Because of this I’ve never learned how to flirt and allow men to approach me. I’m now in full time work and it’s getting really hard to meet guys. A lot of my friends are coupled up and it’s hard to meet guys through them. This has also meant that I have in the past settled for guys who didn’t treat me well and I’ve been hurt.People say, smile and give out the impression you want to be approached…but what does this mean exactly? This doesn't come easy to someone who isn't a natural at this. What else can you do besides smiling at someone randomly? I’m talking about situations where you’re out walking on the beach, through the city, in a shop and so on…not in a bar or something. And take into account that I don’t find it easy just yet to randomly smile at strangers.Ideally I’d love advice from guys who can tell me what would make them approach an attractive girl. I’d also love to hear from the girls who get approached by men a lot, what is it that you do?I really want to change this but I don’t know where to begin
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much to all three of you. I've posted on here before but have never gotten such insightful answers. You definitely gave me something to think about. Lexie
A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (22 June 2009):
 Mr Anonymous makes some very good points. Some men are terrified of beautiful women. You know that fear of rejection that you have? Multiply it by ten, and you may come close to how some men feel.
I was a bit of a 'player' in the past, during which time I lived with a model for a few years. While I had the body of a linebacker, and excelled at lots of sports, she was stunning, but the most insecure girl in the world. She would get hugely upset if a man DIDN'T look her way, but would never dream of making the first move. Because I will literally talk to anyone, and am not afraid to be told to 'foxtrot oscar', I was the only person at a party to speak to her, and got lucky!
These days, I am far from in game shape, but still have women come up and flirt with me in Tesco, or at airports, or wherever I go. People say I look happy and act with confidence. That seems to help a lot with strangers being willing to approach someone of the opposite sex.
If you turn heads, but don't get chatted up, then you have a problem. Men are going to stare at you. But they wont come talk to you unless you soften your eyes by having a little half-smile on your lips. Don't be afraid to make eye contact, and when you do, smile and look DOWN, not away. Men are suckers for that particular motion, it makes you seem shy and vulnerable. Just be careful how you manage the hordes of suitors when you start doing it.
If you need a bodyguard, holla!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2009): You're a pretty girl. Most guys aren't going to talk to you, they will find somebody safe. You might have to initiate conversation, but thats not something you should be afraid of. Think of men you meet as new friends, and that will ease the tension and make conversation easy. Also alittle teasing goes a long way. Lets say youre at the grocery store and theres a guy you'd like to talk to. Ask him what brand of laundry detergent he thinks smells better, or which brand of peanut butter tastes best, or which head of broccoli looks freshest. If youre on the beach, invite a guy to play catch. Start a conversation without the dull, "Hi my name is ____ I do _____ for a living."
If you want to be approachable its all about attitude.
Don't just smile and say, "hi" to strangers, guys can tell when its forced. You need to put yourself in the right frame of mind, and just be happy and friendly! Do whatever you need to do so that you feel confident, and then a cheerfull attitude will follow. Maybe that means buying some new clothes, or wearing new perfume, getting your hair done, anything that makes you feel good about yourself. If I see a cheerfull girl making friends with strangers I feel much more confident approaching her.
Also dont be afraid of contact. A friendly touch on the arm can change the entire context of a dialogue. When you laugh at something he says, lean in and make contact. He will suddenly be very aware of your femininity.
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