A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I wrote a question before, but could not find it anywhere. So here I go again.I'm turning 22 and I'm in love with my ex. We were best friends for 4 years, then date for 3 years. There were mnay ups and downs but in the end we still come back to each other, still has passion. But recently, he decides to end our relationship because he has feelings for another girl who is one of his old friends. He said he feels guilty and it's unfair for me, so he wants me to let him go. But i cant. I want him back. I'm willing to accept the fact that he may have someone else in his heart. I asked him to come back, and he told me to give him 1 month, then he will give me an answer. However, I have a feeling that he's going to reject me. I dont want this to happen. I got all the lectures and advices that I'm stupid to even want him back, cuz obviously, he's a jerk. But please, help me. I want him back. I'm so assertive about this. Please give me specific plans, methods or strategy that makes him come back to me. What do i need to do around him that makes him want me? Please help me. I'm desperate
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): Ok, yeah I read this yesterday. here's your original post.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-improve-the-outcome-of-the.html
I agree with everyone who replied to this post and the previous post.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 September 2009):
 This is really painful to read for two reasons. First because you're obviously in a great deal of pain over this. It hurts when someone you love wants to leave you, and losing that love is terrible. No one here wants to suffer, but when you love sometimes it hurts.
Second, think of him. I know you're mad at him. But he's been honest with you and it hurts him to hurt you. But he's worried about the future too and I think that he wants to be sure of himself. If he has feelings for someone else, if you try to control and possess him, then what?
That's not how love works. He has to want to be with you and no one else. You want to be able to know that or else you won't ever trust him and you'll both be in pain.
If you have to let him go, then let him go. You're very young and maybe there's someone else who's better for you, who won't have doubts. If you hold onto this guy, you may never meet the right guy for you and end up with two unhappy people. Why hurt each other?
The best thing to do is give him the 30 days or whatever it is he's asking for. He's been pretty honest with you and frankly, accepting that he has someone else in his heart will only turn him into an emotional battlefield.
With all that advice, the only way to pull him back is if he wants to come back. If you leave him alone, don't contact him unless he contacts you first, and take a neutral position, he might actually see you're not completely gone overboard and appreciate that you're going to put your faith in him, even if it ends up hurting you.
I know it hurts. I know it hurts. But don't torture yourself over it. Don't be desperate.
Its obvious that he loves you, you've already said he feels guilty for hurting you; and he knows its unfair to you.
But if you try and control him now, its only going to make him run to the other girl.
The only time this works is if you want him to leave you permanently.
As for him being a jerk, I think he's been honest with you. A jerk would disappear without a trace and ignore you. He hasn't.
Look at your age bracket. Do you want this kind of behavior to follow you for the rest of your life? What happens if you meet someone else and this happens? Trying to control and manipulate people you love is just wrong.
The best advice for anyone that loves, is love him enough to think of him first before you jump to desperate mode. He may find out that this other girl has no long-term interest in him whatsoever. She may be a friend, but maybe that's all she really is.
And think of it this way, if you come across as desperate and controlling, then he won't respect you even if you do get back together.
You can reject everything said here, but consider it carefully. That's all. Like I said, no one here wants you to suffer, not even your ex boyfriend.
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