A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm involved with someone that's bi-sexual. He's 29. On his bi-sexuality: -He does not want relationships with men.-He does not want candle light dinners with men.-When he's out, he's looking at other women. Not men.-There is no emotional connection with men.-Apparently it's something that is only physical.He claims he's bi-sexual, but only had been with a man one time and there was another woman involved.He's a wonderful man, amazing. If he never told me, I would of never knew he was bi. He's very masculine. It came up before he got to know me (I am a lot more traditional than him - I'm waiting for marriage).He proposed to me. We were very much in love. I needed time to think. Right now, it's on the burner. This is where I'm curious: I will never be able to bring people into our bedroom, I'm not that open-minded. I feel this violates the intimacy of a marriage. ANYTHING between two committed people is ok.The thought of him going out and getting some man-love on the side, then being with me, is just a no-no (I have strong beliefs on what a marriage should be, it's a commitment, cheating is man or a woman).He never told me, he wants these things. He says he could live without it, lol. That it wasn't a big deal. He said when he's committed to someone, he's committed.I read more on bi-sexuality, they say that married men that are committed to women, feel a lack, not complete, etc.I love him too much to only be 99% complete. I think he's too much in love to realize what's ahead. I do know being bi-sexual doesn't mean you're likely to cheat more. As married or long-term committed bi-sexual men...1. How long have you been committed?2. If you've been only with that woman, do you feel any lack in your life because the bi-side is not being fulfilled? 3. Have you noticed longer in the relationship that you think of being with men more? Does the ache get greater? Laughs. I know these might be silly questions, but they've crossed my mind. 4. Has there been times in your relationship that you wanted to cheat with men? (I know straight men deal with wanting to cheat too).He makes me feel, like it's switch. Like apparently he's straight..when he's with me. I need some input. Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2009): I think you should go for it. As we get older we change :))You obviously have a think for men with bi-side. years down the road you might find yourself wanting to watch them make love to another. Trust me I used to think just like you, being conservative. Now I'd make a bi guy bring another one and I'd watch them, it's hot... we all change :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): I am a married bi man. My wife and I have been together for um lets see now..... We got married 10 yrs ago but have been together for 20+( we are 35) So I barely remember when she wasn't around. I never really felt incomplete in being with her, I have identified as Bi the whole time. The thing that I would find difficult would be failing to aknowledge being bisexual. It is an important part of who I am and I have been somewhat vocal about it. I have never done anything behind my wife's back we communicate well(usually) and discuss things constantly. For 8 years of our marriage we were exclusive. That only changed when a very unusual situation arose with an old boyfriend of hers.(that has been a wonderful adventure, but not relevant) In my opinion it is very much possible for a bisexual to have an exclusive relationship over a long term. I hope I have been helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous girl who posted about just finding out: On my situation, I called it off. We were great every other way, chemistry, emotionally, mentally, and I do think even physically it would have been great on a lot of levels but...I called it off. I had posted an ad online to talk to other bi-sexual men. And pretty much all of them had said it's something, "no amount of love can cure." The feeling to be with men, never really goes away. It lies dormant, I guess for awhile, maybe while the relationship is good, then once things become a bit routine, he may start thinking about it again. I'm not saying he would act on this, but I feel like is too short. If this is something he may need in life, he should be with someone that can let him have it. When you're with someone long-term, you have to evaluate the risks involved - some are riskier than others. Yes, him being bi does increase the chances of him cheating than someone who is straight and has a woman at home. There's a book called, "Five Married Men," by Martin Brant that tastefully talks about the lives of married bi-sexual men. Most of the men in the stories went into the marriage as straight (they knew before they may have been curious but didn't act on it then) and over 15+ years later into it (very happily married), their bi-side apparently fired up to the point they were going through depression, etc.Some of the men I talked to, are married, would never leave their wives, but a few times a year do hook-up with other men. I have plans to work in the health care field, incurable STDs are not something I can risk. I'm investing almost a decade of my life in school to do what I plan to do, and if I catch anything like that - I would choose to leave my field. I'm abstaining from sex till marriage, I shouldn't ever have to worry about STDs. I asked the bi-men I talked to, about STDs/safe sex. One told me, he'll perform oral sex on a guy but not let him finish in his mouth....You can still catch an STD that way (pre-ejac). And the guy actually stated, "I don't worry about it, really - my friends had moved through (gay) bath houses in the 60's-70's without catching anything." This man had been with 200+ people in his life. And he'd often pay for (male/male) sex , and then go back home to sleep with his long-term GF who knew nothing about it. And condoms don't prevent all STDs. The guy I was seeing would never have to pay, lol - he was VERY attractive, lol. The point, though is, that would really scare me. I can't be involved with someone that can risk our lives for 20 minutes of fun for a man or another woman.My Advice: [I don't know how much you have invested in this guy. If you only have a couple of months involved or whatever this is what I'd suggest..]1. Are you willing to watch him with another man? 2. If not, would you let him go be with another man without you there?I couldn't do this. I never told my ex the reason for calling it off. I wish we talked more about it, but even if we did I felt he would of said anything to keep me.He was my first love. So I loved him very much (I still do). It was not easy for me to move from this, but I felt it was in our best interest looking at things at a long term view.If you are open-minded and willing to explore this side, I don't see where it's problem. A lot of women are into this sort of thing.My moral/ethic standards would not allow me to be involved with that kind of activity. Even if I wanted to try it, it's not something I'd feel proud of - and I'm not willing to compromise on this. I feel I can only ask for what I can give and commitment and loyalty, I can give 110%.I think it's hard enough to keep a relationship going and interesting between two straight people, let alone a mixed orientation couple where needs are not being met. Relationships are needs and compatibility. I know for me it will be tough to find that kind of connection again with somebody, but this taught me a lot about what I need in my next relationship.Being bi-sexual is now a deal breaker. --How long were you with him? --Do you have any children with him? --What do you think of exploring this side of him or not up for anything like that?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): I am going through the exact same thing.. but actually I just found out, am devesated & have yet to confront him about it. I found out he's been curious & seeking physical activity with men. but he has only had relationships with women I dont know how that happens where you want only relationship with women but desire sex with men as well but no relationship? I just need some insight into this mindset. please help!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Your questions can be applied to straight males as well. It has the exact same ideal. The only difference between a bi-male and a straight-male is that their attraction range incorporates more than the female gender. Your questions could very well be directed at a straight male and yield the exact same answers.
Too many people think that bisexuality as an active assertion of one's desires. No, in fact, bisexuality is a passive constant that exists like your preferences towards cats than dogs, preferences to oranges and lemon than durian and avocado, preferences to certain colours, etc.
I was with a bi/pansexual woman for awhile. Her attraction factors incorporated both genders, but she remained with me. We separated due to reasons completely unrelated to that sexual aspect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): it's a difficult one, as I have a bi mostly gay male freind I toatlly love who again avoids intimacy with men but can manage the sex.. it makes me question his 'gayness' any one? bi men? out there who can solve this riddle?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm wondering if ya'll feel, he won't ever be 100% happy if he doesn't have guys in his life. I don't want this to haunt him in a decade from now, etc.
I'd let him go, if that means he'd be happier.
He told me he's been waiting for someone like me his entire life...
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