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male
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anonymous
writes: i know this is going to sound weird, but how do i put my confidence up as i get shy around girls and the girls in school say im ugly n etc. is this because i do not have good self confidence or is it they like me but they do not want to let me know. plzz help me on this any help from the female will greatly be appreciatedP.S I can not talk properly around girls is this normal
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): It depends on the people - whether you're nasty or not in terms of looks. Diff people may say you're nasty, as other may say you're hot, sexy, yummilicious, etc, etc. It's possible you're disgusting, but it's also possibly you're okay, etc.
Also, I'll tell you a secret [wink], I'm not that great talking with girls too. It just looks that way cuz I am very confident about myself. Hahahaha, sounds so contradicting. 8]
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): but what about when the girlss say im ugly do they mean it or not- am de original post of da message
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 You're only shy and feeling awkward because it's a new experience. And, for what it's worth, nervousness around the other sex is common to both guys and girls, so don't worry.
Your confidence level will rise slowly, once you've done it a few times and learned how (by experience). Think of it as learning a new skill; you wouldn't expect to be a top goal-scorer for a sport you've never played, right?
When you talk to girls, try to start out with really basic things. It gets you started and what's more important, it's friendly. Here's a few ideas:
"Hi, Remember me? I'm Brent from Algebra" is OK to start you out.
"Can I sit here?" takes you to the next step.
Then you can talk about things that you have in common. Teachers, assignments, school gossip, mutual friends, a funny anecdote you heard between classes. Just be light and *importantly*, don't worry if you run out of things to say. Silences in conversations are perfectly normal for everyone, and when you're just meeting someone, even more normal than usual.
If there's a silence for a while, that's all right. Just smile.
You can also ask superficial questions of the girl and respond to the answers. Something like "What are you reading?" "What do you think of it?" or "Is that a saxophone?" can lead you to good conversations too.
Final thought: keep it brief at first. It's unlikely that you're going to have tons to say to a girl you just met. You have to be around each other for a while so you have things to discuss, so when you first meet someone, think in terms of minutes. A five-minute convo is great! And when the conversation starts to flag a bit, you can always say "Well, it was great talking with you, but I need to hang out the washing/get to class/help my dad/get to the library/whatever. See you later, OK?"
Hope this helps get you started.
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Hi,
of course this is normal!
It just shows you care which is much appreciated in many girls who want to be treated right.
It's very sweet, the onees who speak confidently to girls are the ones with Ego's the size of Calcutter who think they can get any girl they want, and lets face it ladies, nobody wants a boyfriend who probably only wants you cos he thinks you're hot.
Find a girl you like and go for it, you can only learn by mistakes!
Hope this helped, any problems or futher questions don't hesitate to contact me!
Phoebe
xxx
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