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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, i'm hoping for some advice on a problem that i am experiencing. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have recently become engaged. I am very much in love with him, he is my soul mate and i couldn't imagine being without him. I spend most days with him and the thought of being without him makes me feel sick. However the only thing that is not amazing in our relationship is that the fact that he is a bit over weight and doesn't make much of an effort with his appearence which doesn't make me feel very sexually attracted to him in the same way that i may be sexually attracted to another man. During our relationship i have slept with a few other men who have meant nothing to me apart from fullfilling me sexually. This sounds really bad and i really want to stop doing this but sometimes i find it too difficult to give into temptation. I'm sure if my fiance found out about this he may dump me, which would be awful. I just wish he would make a bit more of an effort for me, which sounds selfish but whenever i mention his weight he just ignores me and eats even more, and he always dresses really scruffy these days which is a bit irritating because when we first started going out he was much smarter. I always make an effort with my appearence for him. As well as this hes always going out with his mates in the evenings and on weekends when i would like to be doing something with him, and the only things he ever wants to do with me are to stay in, which i don't mind doing but sometimes i'd like to be taken out for a drink or a meal like we used to do. When other men give me attention i think i find it flattering and enjoy the attention that i feel i'm lacking from my fiance. What can i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2006): Be honest, talk with him about how you feel. If your not ready to talk buy him a couple cute outfits and tell him how great he looks when he wears them. But to be honest, I would not get married to him if I were you-you are definitly not ready and he deserves to know the truth before he marries you- the truth will eat at you until one day you tell him -don't you think it would be better to do it sooner than later? Also make a list of what you want from a guy and do not marry them unless they have all those qualities. It worked like a charm for me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): I am gathering you are young? If you really loved him you would not be shagging other men! What does he offer you? Think about it? If nothing, carry on with being single until you meet someone that does something for you. A tip from an older lady, there are plenty of men out there, not all the same, but never stop making the effort, because when you do, game over. Good luck my love
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A
female
reader, bby_gal06 +, writes (28 October 2006):
 hiya
he probably feels that he dosent have to make an effort for you anymore becuase you are used to him becuase you have been with him for so long.
and as for the attention bit it is understandable that you would like to do things with him but he chooses to go out with friends, i think that like on one night where you stay in together make him feel like you still have a special bond with him and then tell him how you feel just tell him about the bedroom departement that u feel like its suffering and that you would like him to put in more of an effort or maybe start the gym with you as abit of support.
it might be that his appearance has been suffering lately becuase he has put weight on and that in that case his confidence has gone down so he may need you to build it up with him.
if you support him through this he would feel more at ease.
im sure he will understand that you are not saying the stuff about his weight and appearance to hurt him because you have been together for so long.
playing away is abit understandable if you feel your not getting attention and when somebosy shows you it would be flattering and easy to follow.
have a think and do what you think is best i hope i have helped you. x
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