A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I badly need help here. I met a guy at a party 8 months ago. I instantly felt drawn to him. We txted and IM'ed each other for a week, but then he stopped talking to me suddenly. He lives an hour away from me, btw. 2 months later he suddenly IM'ed me, and we started talking again. He never told me why he hadnt spoke to me in so long, and I never asked. We talked off and on for another couple months. After a 3-week hiatus, he contacted me and brought up the subject of friends with benefits. But his behavior was more like that of dating. We went out together twice, and about a month later we finally slept together. A few days after that, he called and said he was uncomfortable with it, reminding of a past conversation in which he said he doesn't have sex outside relationships. I asked did he rather date, and he said he wasnt ready, that it was a bad time. But then he added, that he had no intention of ever losing contact with me, and still wanted to come over and watch movies, and hang out, and maybe still cuddle. That was over 2 months ago. Since then, he has sent me random texts here and there. The annoying thing is when I send him a txt, i rarely get a reply. In one text he said "Im about to fall asleep, but I thought about you and wanted to remind you that I still do." 2 weeks ago, he called me suddenly. He told me he was in town, and wanted to hang with me awhile before he went back home. We watched a movie and we fell asleep on the couch with me in his arms, at one point I woke up as he was kissing me on the back of my neck. When he was leaving he hugged me and held me for awhile. He kissed me on the forhead and cheeks a few times. He always hugs me so tightly and for so long when he sees me. Last week he called yet again, and was again in town, and wanted to stop by to show me the new bass he just bought. Just before leaving me, he hugged me in that same way. Since meeting him, not a day has gone by that I have not thought of him. I'm so confused by him though. I don't know what's going thru his mind. He doesnt want a relationship but he can't seem to let me go. I certainly can't forget about him. I have never discussed my feelings with him, as he tends to be rather introverted. What does anybody suppose this guy is thinking. He's 8 years younger than me if this makes a difference.
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male
reader, RyanS  +, writes (1 July 2010):
 He is probably just coming to you because you are available. He is not looking like a serious guy going by his inconsistent messaging/communication. You are thinking about him because you don't have a real bf yet. Please cut off this with this guy, and make your mind available to some other guy who seeks you for a relationship. One possibility is that he feels he is much younger than you to make you consider him seriously. Even in that case, unless you both feel strongly for each other, its best to move on for better quality relationship where your messages/desires get a good response.
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