A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's the situation;my wife is about 3 months pregnant. 13 weeks. Lately, she has been extremely detached. She just started RN nursing school. So she says she is under a lot of stress. With the pregnancy and school now. She just seems apathetic all the time. Like nothing in the world matters; especially me. She would always call me to tell me she loved me; when I would call her or see her I could see happiness in her eyes when she saw me. And lately, nothing.I get that she's tired, so I have tried to be understanding and let the little things slide, etc. Offer what I can help with. I have always been the money manager, paying all the bills. I've always helped with household chores, aside from mowing the lawn and maintaing the vehicles. And now I do almost all the chores, save washing the dishes. (she doesn't like using a dishwasher.) But, when I come home there are no more smiles, and in her voice I just hear boredom. It makes me feel like I have done something wrong. Or that she doesn't feel the same way about me. When we have little arguments, I let them slide for the most part but this morning I had enough. Her snooze alarm kept going off and I had gotten home from work late and had 3 hours of sleep. I didn't even say anything, just moaned. She jumps out of bed, and says, fine I'll stop bothering you! And leaves. Even then I get up and follow her; asking what was wrong, being sweet and she just kept snapping at me. Finally, I blew it and said I understood she was going through a lot but that didn't give her the right to treat me like s#!t. And she NEVER apologized. I would have been content with her saying, look I love you. Let's get over this. But nothing.I wasn't going to apologize because since the start of our relationship I am the one who always apologizes first and makes an effort.So I told her I was gonna stop making an effort and just let her be. If that's what she wanted.She left me a note saying basically, "look, I love you. But this is how I am. I don't like being under pressure or stress but this is how I cope with it. You are free to do whatever you feel you need to just don't stop loving me." What am I supposed to do?
View related questions:
I love you, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): I think it shoul be a team effort too. Things got a little better but I, again, had to initiate it.
I told her I will always love her but that he can't keep closing off when things get stressful. Her response, "I had a bad couple of days." but not an I'm sorry. And that's the same response next time it happens.
I told her I'd try to be more understanding so we will see how it goes
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (10 June 2010):
 Yes, she has hormones RAGING all over her system, but that is no excuse to treat you like dirt. But don't let it turn into a dig-your-heels-in "I'm never apologizing for anything" ego-fest with her. Don't accept the "this is how I am" note. Ask her if the situation was reversed, would she put up with you treating her like this?
Tell her that she is the one who's pregnant, but it's BOTH of you that are going through the pregnancy. Tell her that no, you won't stop loving her, but she has to not stop loving you and remembering that you both are on the same team.
It's only going to get more hectic as the pregnancy goes on, and when the baby comes, it's going to be a baptism by fire. If she can't cope with the stress level she's at now, it's going to be hell when neither of you get any sleep. I doubt she'll be happy if she pushes you away before the baby comes. It's a two-person team, and you have to work together, not close off from each other whenever it gets a little stressful.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): See. I haven't done that. But I have done TONS of other everyday nice things and nothing.
I can understand that all the hormones effect her but c'mon, seriously. So being pregnant gives a woman the right to just be a total bi*#$ whenever they want?
Mood swings every now and then I can fall for but constantly? The line has to be drawn somewhere
...............................
A
female
reader, EKnight  +, writes (10 June 2010):
What you need to understand is that with her being pregnant, she has a lot of hormones in her body that make her... well... a b**ch. She doesn't NOT love you, its just that she feels a little overrun by all that is happening, she is wondering what she is supposed to be doing. She feels caught up in her life and she is EXHAUSTED. What you need to do is maybe one day surprise her and run her a bath (make sure the bathroom is clean!!)put some bath beads in the warm water. Tell her that you did this for her. Then leave her to soak in the tub for awhile, she may be in there for hours, but come in only a couple times to see if she needs anything- like a glass of wine or something to eat. DONT nag her to get out, she will come out when she is relaxed. As long as you leave her with her thoughts and alone, she will come out of the bath calm, and happy and probably tired. Give her a long hug and tell her you love her.[Mod note: as she's pregnant, alcohol consumption should be discussed with her doctor first.]
...............................
|
