A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, im in desperate need of some advice to get my ex back. I know you’ll possibly think, you deserve better, move on but believe me it doesn’t help, and this is why I’m writing here to see if anyone can help give me advice and to try and understand. I’m at breaking point, I feel like my life has ended which yes I know is perfectly normal but I physically cannot do this anymore. I apologise for the length. We broke up beginning of last month, the guy who I’d been in love with for 4 years, however we had only been together 4 months. We had a complicated past where he was always strange with me, always rather off with me and talking bad about me. But that isn’t direct to this situation but bits may become clear. During the past we had a big fall out due to what I’ve just stated. About 9 months later we became in contact, but this time he made most of the effort, as I was not willing to be the chaser again. We got on great as friends until one night we got together, at the end of the night we blamed the drink and parted, even though after our talk he text me to say he really did enjoy it, which confused me. Weeks later things began to happen, texts, meeting, cuddling etc. Until maybe a month later when one night we actually got together ( and did stuff sexually/ but never full intercourse), and from then on we carried on seeing each other. We never were in an official relationship as due to the past I never dare bring the subject up, and I later found out once we broke up that the reason was he never knew how to tell me he wanted me, even though he practically had me. Hes always been shy and nervous with me so I can understand. However hes usually find with anyone else girls or mates. I was the only girl he had ever done sexual things with. Apart from another girl that he had full on intercourse with and deeply regretted and felt he messed his life up. (Hes a Christian) We didn’t see each other a lot due to his working hours and mine and mostly when we did it was after he’d finished work late at night.Worst bit was he never officially broke it off with me either. Things were great, I’d asked him to stay over once when I had the house to myself and for weeks he’d been up to it, he never did though as he was genuinely ill on the day, and I knew this. However 3 days later his facebook relationship status changed. I questioned him about it and he told me he’d met someone. A 17 year old that live quite a drive away! And apparently he really liked her! At the time he’d only known her afew weeks yet it was enough to know he wanted to be with her, but not someone he’d known for 4 years. He even had the nerve to tell me at that point that after all this time and everything we’d been through he really thought I was the one he was meant to be with, but now he thinks he’s kidding himself. That night he reluctantly met up with me and we had a talk. A lot was said, he kept saying he wouldn’t go out with me but I said to him I don’t see how you can think somebody is the one, then suddenly not feel anything. And he couldn’t answer. I then said to him “look is it because you feel that one day we’re going to have to develop this further and you’re not ready?” He said kind yeah. But then it all came back to the “I don’t want to be with you”. I really hit a nerve with him as I know hes always been confused etc. I said this to him and he admitted he is confused and insecure, and I said “tbh you don’t know how to have a relationship do you, and I don’t think you ready”. He said no. The talk went on we got quite personal, but he doesn’t open up and talk easily, I told him we wouldn’t have a relationship if he didn’t want to just don’t throw it all away for a kid you barely know. It concluded with him saying he would go away and think about it. Nearly a month on and he never did so I text him. He said he hadn’t as he just didn’t know what to do, but then went and said I don’t want you. So why has he been thinking all this time and still didn’t know?He’s told someone who is a mate of both of ours that this new girl is amazing and hes really happy. Yet he never sees her and tbh barely knows her. He said to me long distance will be best as he can’t commit due to his working hours, however before he’s moaned about the fact he can’t go out with someone unless he can see them. None of it makes sense. I really don’t think that he suddenly feels nothing for me, I’m not saying he doesn’t like her, he obviously does but I feel hes confused and theres more to this.I don’t know what I should do, obviously I miss him, I’m crying all the time and I want to contact him, but I know this isn’t the right thing to do. I don’t want him to think I’m needy. In one respect I want to prove to him what hes missing, but how can I when I don’t see him, the only thing I have is facebook. And while I’m trying to do this, the weeks are going by and they are still together. I keep thinking if this was a phase shouldn’t it have ended by now? Its been a month. Yes I may have made mistakes in the past of saying stuff at the beginning in anger and asking him to give it a try, also afew of my mates have said similar things. But I want to change it now. The past keeps making sense, as people used to wonder if he felt something for me back then but he always said he didn’t even though he knew I wanted him.Please don’t just say move on, I know one say I’ll have to but I won’t move on regretting the fact I never tried to fight for this. None of my friends really understand they’re all like yeah move on do this do that and tbh it makes me feel an absolute failure. Its been a long time for me just to forget and move on. So please could you give me some tips on how to win him back? Im scared them two will get serious and that will be it, but none of it makes sense not after everything in the past. Hes a good person at heart and I know hes been confused but I wanted to help him. Please give me some advice. Thanks
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broke up, christian, facebook, insecure, long distance, move on, my ex, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): Hi, there is only one thing you can do and that is accept that he is with someone else. I know its hard, I have been there myself, and yes it kills you inside, but by not listening him and trying to talk him into being with you when he doesn't want to be only pushes him away. When I was faced with the situation I told the guy I needed time to get over my feelings for him, that I wanted to be friends and would eventually contact him and if at that point in time he wanted to be my friend we would go from there. I took the time to do what I said, and a few months later he contacted me and he was single again. We have now been officially a couple for over a year and are very happy. He has told me that the fact that I respected his decision and didn't try to change his mind made him realise how special I am and how much he wanted to be with him. I know you don't want to hear it, but you have to accept his decision and try to move on, if he comes back to you then all the best, but if not you need to accept that, it's all you can do. At the moment you need to accept that he doesn't want to be with you and by trying to change his mind only pushes him further away. Good Luck
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (19 January 2012):
 hi
you cant win him back if he is inlove with this girl. Maybe he felt you were a little strong willed for him, like you were wearing the trousers so to speak. If you love him let him go, and if he loves you he will come back, but untill then there really is nothing you can do about it.do you want to wait around forever for a what if?? I know you dont want to hear it but you have to move on im sorry hun, but thats fact. x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): You can't win someone back you never had. He has told you he doesn't want you and that is why your relationship was never official so this guy is not your ex and never was your boyfriend. It seems you won't listen to him at all nor do you accept his answers.
He's not confused and that's why he calls this other girl his girlfriend. You fooled around with him hoping he'd change his mind because that's what you want, not what he wants or ever wanted.
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