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female
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*otte
writes: Well where do i begin, iv been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years we dont live together, but im so paronoid that we are goin to break up or that hes fallin out of love with me that i cont concentrate on anything else,i need constant reasurrance and i dont no wot to do 2 sort myself out, coz hes very much a mans man and i think he must be gettin sick of my needyness. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (27 January 2006):
 Somtimes we create the very monster we have been trying to avoid by our own behaviour. What I mean is, your neediness could, as you think, drive him away.
How did you survive when you broke up last time? You will probably think you didn't, but you obviously DID in a big way because you are here telling us your story.
I do think you need to build your self esteem to a point were you will *want* to be with your boyfriend rather than *need* to be with him.
You are obviously a very loving and giving person who likes to be needed. Can you not channel a little of your love into a worthwhile cause, sorry if this sounds cheesey, but I feel if you had a few more outside interests you would stop worrying about something you cannot change (because it hasn't happened!) and it would give you the strength to deal with it if it does.
Sorry can't be a great deal of help.
I wish you all the very best for your future.x
A
female
reader, lotte +, writes (27 January 2006):
lotte is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice,what i mean by man's man is that he loves to spend time with the boys etc, im 21 and we dont live together because we r both studying at uni still, we broke up briefly 6 months ago and i was so devastated maybe im just scared of being that hurt again.x
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (27 January 2006):
Oh you poor thing. This is very much a self-esteem problem on your part. I feel you need to work on your neediness by maybe looking at why you feel this way in the first place. Is this to do with your past? Have you been hurt before?
You say he is very much a "man's man". How so? If you mean he treats you as if you are part of the furniture, or with little love and respect (treats you as if females are worthless) you need to get out now. If you just mean he likes sport (!) and male company maybe you need to try to talk to him about your emotions and explain that you have these fears and see what he says.
I think as well you have issues that your relationship ahsn't moved on yet 'cos you mention you have been together for 3 years and you don't live together. Do you think that this could be were some of your anxiety stems from?
Anyway, I would love to help you more but I have some more questions, like how old you are and what you mean by Man's man? I hope you will reply and fill me in further so maybe I and others can help you more.
Good luck.x
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