A
male
age
41-50,
*nthonysvisit
writes:My girlfriend and I broke up I accused her of cheating cause she was sneaking around and hiding talking to her ex and going out to lunch with him and hiding it from me, and started wearing some Jewerly he had gotten her for christmas again.(Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing, but the fact that she went out of her way to fix it and repair it and hide it after she had lied to me at christmas on where the 1,000 dollars of diamonds she was wearing came from)Anyways I became fanatic. This is what happened She three weeks ago stopped making love to me, and kissing me, and hardly able to look at me, so I asked her why? She responded that she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship, her heart wasn't into it, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to try... I asked her than nicely with all seriousness if she wanted me to go, and if she needed space I would, but she said no... So instead three weeks passed of each day her getting more an more distant and switching around what she did and didn't want me to do, all the mean time I was trying to talk to her every day about it and see what I could do to help or find out exactly what it was she wanted or didn't want. While the whole time my suspicions already were getting more an more out of control because at first she all of a sudden always had her phone on silent, she stopped texting me, and the only time she would say she loved me was if I said it first and even than she only did it at home never in text or a phone call. Than she started taking her phone with her EVERY time she left the room, if she walked out of the room with out it she quickly came in and got it. So I started checking her text messages her inbox was always empty... Even of the ones I might of sent that day had been gone. it came out all last week when I found out that she had lied to me voluntarily about her lunch habbits that week. She with out me questioning or even wondering told me she stopped taking lunches cause of her new diet and was only eating one of those "meal" bars. Than I found out from a friend that he had seen her at lunch on monday and told me to tell her hi. So i than asked her if she had been not takind lunches all week she than told me yeah and she was impressed how good she was doing. ( I just assumed she was with a co-worker because I had previously had been with someone who liked to make her diet seem "better than it was" now she is far from needing a diet she's 5'7 and 135 lbs max, flat stomach big breasts yes, and a nice round butt, but she works out so it's almost all muscle so no need for a diet, but she's a woman wont listen to others on that subject... anyways later that night she brought up the subject again and was all defensive about it truth comes out she was with her ex, and she told me the other times she was with him, and the jewelry and everything.. We got in a huge fight I called her a lying cheating whore, (there is much more she did that points in the direction of her cheating read this link: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-trust-her-while-giving-her.htmlAnyways I moved out that night, and made arrangements to move back to washington state from Montana. The next day we talked a little and she told me she was going to hang out with her sister on friday night but not going to be at the bars and that's why she couldn't say good bye and end it on a good note, and that she didn't want to cause she's not good at good-byes. Again another thing of selfishness it was all about what she wanted or didn't want. So we talked a little friday up until seven than she stopped replying to my messages so I left her alone for thinking she was with her sister, that night I went out with two friends for one last night before I moved in the morning. As I was leaving the bar I saw that her car was downtown around the corner from where I was drinking at, which happens to be right in front of her exes house (he lives downtown in a loft apartment complex which is right above all the bars in town she says I was stalking her but I was at the bar always went to with my friends)so i sent her a text asking her please to tell me she wasn't there she didn't reply so I got more an more hurt an mad and tried callin like 9times, sent about 10 or so messages each one getting worse I was an ass. Anyways alot of you reading might wonder why I want to get back with her, but she's the only one that has made me smile, our good times were great, and she is the only one that's been able to make my life feel perfect when she was next to me or with me. She could calm me down out of depression, anger, or any emmotion just by putting her hand on mine and talking to me. I dont want to loose her we talked forever about marraige and kids and a life. Now ... well there is no now, and I want it back
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breasts, broke up, christmas, co-worker, her ex, kissing, moved in, moved out, muscle, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): There is no possible way this relationship will work. I say this based on experience. The same situations have happened to me. You dont trust her. You cant build it back. She moved on. You relied on her for happiness which was a mistake. Learn from it and move on. You must find happiness only in yourself and then SHARE it with someone else. Only the GIVING of love will make you happy. Not the recieving.
Now the good news. After my similar relationship ended, i was out at a bar one night and randomly met an amazing woman with whom I had a 1 year relationship that was bliss. She would be out doing all kinds of shit and I ALWAYS trusted her without trying, because our dynamic was so much more healthy.
You too will meet that woman whom you dont even have to try to trust, it will come naturally because she will show you the most genuine love and the honesty will be unavoidably beautiful.
Trust me, its time to be single for a while, do some crazy shit that you cant do while your in a relationship, and generally improve yourself. Your next g/f will be ten times better. I promise.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): You have a pretty unhealthy relationship with this woman from what I can see. If she controls your feelings this much to the point that you are obsessing and can only be calmed down by her touch then please see this is unbalanced. I think her behaviour has been disrespectful to you and your love for her but she is clearly not sure what she wants. For this reason you must try and let her go for good. You will never trust her again anyway so it would hurt you continually. Find someone to reciprocate your efforts and who wants the same thing.
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