A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I became friends with benefits with my best guy friend. we've been best friends since forever and this wasnt something we talked about and decided to get into. Living together sort of just progressed into more things and then sex.he has a girlfriend since a long time but they're going through a really rough patch. They were together while young and he says that they’ve grown into different people and it’s a struggle to keep the relationship going. We talked about it and he said he wasnt this jerk guy who was using me for sex because he was having problems, that he really did care dearly about me, would take care of me and wont throw me away. Also while he does not know exactly who I've become to him, I am someone he needs in his life to be there like I always have been. he said he feels content and peaceful around me in general because I am someone he trusts and is the person he always goes to when he needs comfort or advice and that he knows all this is messed up and confusing but he wants to work things out together and doesn’t want to lose me. To complicate things, I recently realized Im in love with him and have been for a while but never acted on it because he was already taken and he was always just my best friend. I told him this. Im not sure what this relationship is because he seems to care a lot for his gf and I'm not expecting this to last or to progress into anything more. I keep telling myself that once he gets together with his gf (she's in a different state- long distance relationship) he will forget about everything and this will all be bulls***. Its hard for me to maintain it because I am in love with him and since we are bffs, we've always been super protective of each other and I cant bring myself to act in my own interests and just leave him when he needs someone there in his life to cheer him up. Im trying to prepare myself for the pain Im sure I will have to deal with in the future because the way I see it, Im an intruder into his existing relationship and a temporary solution to a problem that might fix itself and be okay in time.Any thoughts on what to do? I feel like I’m already in wayyy too deep to do anything without really hurting him, and that’s something I loathe to do. I can’t see another way other than waiting it out and preparing for it and hoping I'll be strong enough to let him go with a smile on my face and be happy for him when the time comes.
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best friend, friend with benefits, has a girlfriend, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 June 2015):
 I have to agree, you need to back off and go back to the room-mate/friend relationship - no more sex.
He and the GF may or may NOT work out, but YOU being in the mix is NOT helping them OR you.
I'm sure you wouldn't APPRECIATE if YOUR Bf used a female friend for comfort and sex either.
Have some self respect and respect for his relationship.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 June 2015):
 I am a sucker for not wanting to hurt people but in this situation, he is still with his girlfriend so there is no excuse. You need to back out. He needs to sort it out himself. If he can't cope with the distance, then it's better to end it rather than drag it out and lying. You should move out and find other living arrangements. I know the cliche of staying friends and not trying relationships because of fear of ruining the friendship. Although the taboo is strong and is hard to resist. You already had sex and the dynamics changed. On the other hand it forces you to look elsewhere for a boyfriend and see what this friendship really is. If he's having rough patches with girlfriends, that's because he's partly invested in you and that's not fair for his girlfriends. He either tries a relationship with you, or go separate ways so he doesn't have to need you to fill a void whenever girlfriends can't satisfy him. Sometimes the greatest help to a friend is to let them go so he could grow up.
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