A
female
age
41-50,
*each30
writes:hi i have been in a 11 year on and off relationship with the most abusive man alive!!! i did not fall in love with this person i fell in love with a good man. n e ways i had left him so many times in the past and am sick of all the lies cheating and games he has to offer.in 2005 i had left him again this time 4 along time. lets say a year i met another 4 once. all the other times i always stayed bitter and single the only beneficial thing with leaving him was the weight loss. n e ways i didnt bother him and visa versa til the fall of 05. then hes texting me and calling here and there so i said what leave me alone. then i find out hes got another. but i did not know that they were past bf and gf in the early 90s. well she was calling my work tring to find out if him and i were talking? i said yes who the hell is this? she told me his gf!!! i was devastated even though it was a year later or so i still was very hurt inside. i told her she has no worries i thought he was single and may have came to his senses but i guess not so we hung up. the thing that bothers me is that every other time we had departed we never had others at least i never. i always waited 4 him. well this time i did not i stayed aways then he was coming to my work trapping me in the local gas station to talk to me. i said get away from me nowwwwwwwww. he said give me sumthing to take home of urs so i know ur coming over? i gave him my coach purse but i never went over i guy i knew and was sorta dating at the time convinced me to call the coppers to get my purse back and to get him outta my life once and for all!!! so i did call and they told him to give my purse back. well with all this happening hes still calling my work shocked to know i had another as well as to ever had called the cops on him ever. in the meantime he was over by this exs of his having sex the nite i finally decided to come back her. or so it was like i was there him and i were watching a movie and she pulls up and screams in the house that he just did her 2 days b4 me being back. i was in such disgust i wanted to leave then and there but he called the cops on her and she left never heard from again so i thought. so him and i moved on together i moved back in and things were pretty good 4 the 1st2 months. then he made me quit my job he bashed my car in he hit me made me clean his house all the time to make up 4 leaving him b4 and drinking here and ther whaich i never did till i left the very last time. any how. its 2 years later and she emailed me outta the blue aying hes been calling her and they have been planning on getting back together since she had left. he denied all this and said i should not b gullable. i was very angry but i bounced back. i said well if ur telling me the truth then i wnt worry. now its the falll season and shes sending emails calling the house saying shes coming home and him and her are getting married and such and that he wants her back again. and i better start packing shes coming back. again he says shes lying. well since then our dog died, we got new cell #s,new garage,new ac system,etc. boom a moth later she emailed me his new cell # and new all the above info!!! so now i said to him wtf is going on? how would she know all that? he said she talks to old friends of his that he talked to in the past and how she got his cell #? he said she looked it up omline and paid to get it or sumthing like that. so alot was happeneing to me during all thsi emotionally and physically i was getting so sick over these games of this crap. well now its the dead winter and i changed my myspace so she cant contact me on ther with anymore info. and sure enough she got my email address and emailed me all these new and i mean 3 days ld new emails that shes been getting from him since oct all the way to now. things like he love her and she needs to come home and send him dirty pics of her and she better not be giving her sex up to other guys and all sorts of things. all things he used to say to me. he even called her his little bitch thats how he talks cocky and confident. and her i am taking care of the house and relatives that he has and him. and hes sneakling around behind my back to get her back? i have been so faithful to him through all of this and havent even seen my family in who knows how long cuz he gets so jealous if i pay any attention to thers but him so yes he is a masive controller. it just bothers me that the way he treated her back then that she still wants him back. if he treated me like that u know having a new gal at the house and calling the cops on sumone and having sex with them 2 days b4 the breakup? to make a rash desision like this is soooooooooooo sock. any ways sorry so long but i need help on this what do u think i need to do 1st and foremeost. i also want to add i am in contact with an ex of mine as of yesterday yes i am hurt but want sumthing ther 4 me when this does come crashing down i hate this man i cant stand him anymore. he lies to me and her, and she still talks to him i will never talk to him again. but i need advice on how to leave i did it b4 but now am broke and lost it all to get with him and here he sits with the house and cars and all the luxaries and i havew shit. i allowed thsi to happen but need a boost to get out again plzzzzzzzzzzz any advice helpppppppppppppp!!!????????????????????
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female
reader, peach30 +, writes (27 December 2008):
peach30 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks 4 the advise to the commenter. i am still here and getting an escape plan. I just had to add that 4 the past 3 days now the house phone has been ringing at 6 am every moring it is her. i know this cuz who else would be calling with that #? i told him that she has been calling the house he says welll he cant help that shes in love with him still and stuff like that! im like waht
????? r u kidding me? he shold be on that phone telling her to stop or calling the cops again or get a restraining order or things he would want me to do if the tables were turned. i am going to leave it was just the money thing and where to go a friends etc!!! this is so damn hard to do but i know if the tables were turned he would do the same to me so thers my answer. i am just in disgust to waste these years of my life helpping him with his house and all the work i put into sumthing i can never enjoy. i just want happiness and to b confident again and find a man that respects me and loves me forever not this half ass shit he has been towards me. ever since she has been calling its like he has been so nice to me. i said ur never nice like this. what is it he is in his glory cuz hes getting back with her? i just am wanting closure as to y he is this way to women? but even if her and him get back she will never trust him again nor he her. they will always have that untrusting relationship cuz he hurt her when he got me back. but i did not know that they were talking again man what a way to feel. and the thing is i am not ugly im not tring to b coceited or anything but i really never had a hardtime getting a guy. i feel i am very attractive and down to earth very domestic and have all the qualities a man could want he came back 4 me b 4. i told him this that i am going to torture him and her when she comes back the way i was tortured. i really will not do this but i had to say that to make him worry like hes mad me feel. i guess i never really loved anybody the way i loved him. but lil did i know this is a man that is uncapable of loving hes a sosiopath or so ive read. any ways thatnks 4 the comment keep posting mre this is helpping me move on!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2008): You need to get out and now. First make a plan, find a safe place where you could stay (friends, family), get a new phone no. You can even move to another place more further away, where he cannot find you. Be careful, it's your life.
Here you can look for help in removing yourself from his life. The second website tells you how to do an escape plan.
http://feminist.org/911/crisis.html
http://abuse-recovery.suite101.com/article.cfm/abusive_relationships_getting_out
Make sure you do not get into another relationship too quickly. You need time for yourself and you need to find yourself again. Let your hearth heal.
Good luck
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