A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I am like, really confused. I'm going into the 9th grade, which will make me a freshman and my boyfriend a sophomore. This is the second time that we've dated, the last time it was for 5 days shy of 2 months and I had no idea what I did right or wrong! He is honestly the first "real" boyfriend I've had, and he was the first one I had at all in middle school. I was basically just going along with it, and I pushed my friends away and my grades started slipping a bit. We've been dating for 1 month and just over a week, and though I love talking to him, we rarely have anything new to say. I know I'm about to sound like every other teenage girl on the planet, but I really want this to work out because honestly, I love him. I still wasn't over him 6 months later if you need proof. Basically, I need advice on how to keep this going and how to go about a serious relationship at all! (Before you go saying he wants me for sex; I'll tell you this. We were discussing something the other day and he told me straight up that he wasn't talking about sex, at all.)
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 June 2013):
 having folks "stalk him" was bad. in fact, while friends are a lovely sounding board for when you want to work things out or vent, INVOLVING them in your relationships is NEVER wise.
his complaints that you were flirting with other guys... well that may or may not be the case.
part of the problem is that both of you are so young that you are still trying to figure yourselves out. Add to that, trying to figure out how to have a relationship and it's very complex.
I know telling you that being older will fix all these problems will not help you now... but you will look back on this later on and realize that what you have going on now is more of practice than real life.
My husband laughs when I find other guys attractive and I'm fine with him finding other women attractive. We are married not dead. It's not an insult if we find other people attractive. It's not what you think or how you feel but rather if you act on it that's key.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you So_Very_Confused, I appreciate the fact that instead of dismissing it that you took time to recall exactly how crazy it is to be a teenage girl. As for your question, I have no clue why the relationship ended. One day he was there, the next he was saying it was over. I'll admit to having people basically stalk him, and I had several of my friends ask him why he ended it. He refused to speak of it, except claiming I was "flirting" with other guys in my grade (most of them whom I can't stand or don't talk to.) I also might have hurt his pride a bit. A few days before, my girl friends and I were discussing someone being attractive and a jerk in my grade (who has always wanted me for himself) overheard and told my boyfriend, who then asked me about it. I wasn't about to lie to him, so I admitted to it, then apologized. After that things were a bit awkward, and I lost sleep worrying about it and refused to eat for about 5 days. All I can say is, either he perceived my annoyance at the guys in my grade as flirting, his pride was hurt, or he had no real reason and needed some space (we kinda rushed into things a bit.)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
Dear really confused teenage girl,
I am going to try very hard to remember just how much in love I could feel at your age. Sadly I remember just how much of a drama queen I was then too. It’s part and parcel of being a teen girl.
I will start with this: AN EX is an EX for a reason… VERY rarely should you go back and try again with a boy. If it didn’t work the first time, it’s not going to be much better the second time unless the problems that caused the first break up are totally gone and that’s usually not going to happen even with adults. Why did you break up in the first place?
In addition, you probably did not do anything “right or wrong” as long as you were yourself. What you will learn with time is that being true to yourself is the best way to meet someone who will fit with you properly. Being fake and phony will bring you heartache and sadness.
NOT having anything to say to each other on a regular basis is NOT good. Part of having a relationship is having stuff in common that you can talk about. With nothing to bind you other than hormones, the relationship will come to its own end eventually.
You can’t force it. You can’t make someone love you or want to be with you if they don’t.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (4 June 2013):
You are in 9th grade, are quite a few years short of being able to even recognize "a serious relationship," never mind being in one.
You are young and have a lot of maturing to do. A big part of that is going through many new relationships. A lot of people your age mistaken "new feelings" for "true love." I know I did, and trust me, they are not even in the same zip code. New feelings is thinking about someone all of the time. True love is taking care of someone after they had a car accident and are wheelchair bound for the next 60 years. Like I said, not in the same zip code.
Focus on your school and future right now, and let the relationships slowly play our and learn from them. When you are 25, you will look back and recall what a good idea that was....
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