A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a bit of a strange situation, one that I never thought I would have to face.I have recently been introduced to a very lovely man, 32 years old (I am 28). He is very lovely, totally gorgeous and seems to be a very good catch. But, he is divorced and has two small children. I really do like him, but wonder if there is too much bagagge and if I am cut out for this? I have no idea what would be expected or how things might work?I guess I am looking for advice or experiences from people who have been in relationships like this, how they coped and what the issues/problems were?Any advice or tips would be very appreciated! Happy New Year!
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): I've done it, it started out great because we were on thaat "high" of being in love and then all the problems, worries and troubles started to surface and I had to leave to keep my sanity although I loved him. So my opinion is unless you have endless patience, are entirely self sufficient and have a very strong sense of self don't go there.
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Each relationship is different and it would be hard to say unequivocally what yours will be like.
If I were you, I'd take things slowly. See how the children adjust to you and if they are going to respect you. Also, what is very important is making sure that their father instills his children with respect for you. While you aren't the children's mother, you will be an authority figure in their lives (especially if your relationship goes the distance).
In addition, your boyfriend's time will be spent with his kids. This potentially means less time for you and him. Also kids have a knack of misbehaving, especially when they are young. I guarantee some of your dates are going to be miserable experiences when they are cranky or his ex causes strife.
Being a step parent is rewarding, but comes with a lot of challenges. I can only encourage you to treat the children kindly and be patient with yourself and your mate. It isn't an easy task and for many its something that is a deal breaker. Hopefully you can make that decision before being too much of a fixture in his children's lives.
Happy new year and best wishes.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses.
Code Warrior -
I am fully aware that his kids will always come first, and that is how it should be. Having had a father myself who couldn't be bothered with me I realise how important that is.
Worldlywise -
If this man did not have the children or the Divorce I would have no hesitation in grabbing him with both hands. I just feel that I might not be good enough or mature enough to deal with these extra things. I know if it was the other way round I would want the best possible person to be around my children and I worry that I cannot live up to that role. They have been through a lot of upset and I would hate to add to that.
I guess I am scared!
I would love to hear from people who have been in this situation and how they coped with such new challenges.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): As its only a recent introduction I would focus on getting to know him, see how he is with his children,the time he gives to them. That will tell you how things will be IF it turned into long term and serious between you. He should put the kids first, not let them down last minute,his character will slowly show itself..
You can then decide if your prepared to commit when you know him and the situation better.
Could be you come to love him and his children..
Happy New Year to you too
...............................
A
female
reader, Plain Jane  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Getting along with the 2 small children is also as important as getting along with him if you are getting serious. Give your love to all 3 of them and eventually it should work well and the 'baggage' may turn out to be the 'precious'.
Good luck ~
...............................
|
