A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m unlikeable it seems, people don’t “take” to me land aren’t friendly.I feel like giving up on people.I Try to be nice and get ignored, uninvited, dismissed and forgotten.Please, how can I be more likeable?I listen, I smile and Am I’m not full of ego or “all about me” others are, they don’t listen to me.Sick of being the one watching others being liked and accepted.I’m treated like garbage.I have a “ everyone hates me” sign flashing above my head Others run a mile..Why bother with anything. When I’m so unwelcome. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2018): People run in cliques these days. It's almost as if people are breaking-off into tribes or politically-based social-groups, or subcultures. It's an infection on society.
Often, people starving for attention and approval try to fit into these "cliques," and get rejected. That rejection is embarrassing and quite a blow to the ego. It levels your self-esteem. It's not really you, it's the social-atmosphere.
People are youth-oriented, ageist, dependent on tech-devices; and don't like people unless they're a clone.
It's the haves vs the have-nots, youth vs old, and pretty vs plain. It's all stupid! They just don't realize how stupid it is. Until tragedy hits them; and they're forced together or desperately need help!
Stop trying to fit-in, and try to ingratiate yourself with people closer to your own age-group and have a more easy-going nature. If you're trying to hang with people in their 20's or changing your own personality to assimilate; you'll get called-out for it. People enjoy rejecting others for being different; and get a twisted-pleasure out of isolating you for it. Making you feel like an outcast. You can't let it get to you.
You have to be able to absorb prejudice and rejection. Interactive-skills are rare, and come at a premium these days. So you have to gauge and set your radar for the right folks.
I like to observe people. Supervising people in a large work-setting; I get to study all the personality-types and how people interact. The people who find fitting-in most difficult are those who are awkward and shy; and they shrink or hide when they get ignored. Some prefer being ignored. As kids, people used to be encouraged to play well with others. Now it's the norm to shun those who think or look differently; or people who defy the status quo. You're only supposed to like the people who reflect your own image or opinion. It sucks!
Stay exactly who you are and just let your natural charm out. Don't try to be like others or assimilate into their subcultures. Being who you are might be lonely sometimes; but the world is so densely populated, you can't help but to run into someone friendly. I prefer to be liked for being me. What you see, is what you get!
Don't become too embittered or resentful from a few cold-shoulders; because that may be what's turning people off about you. I've also noticed that people turn nasty if the crowd they want to be a part of ignores them. That behavior should be left back in high school. Join a fitness-club or take a class to mingle with people. If you're rusty at socializing, your clumsiness can be off-putting. Neediness looks desperate and scary on some people.
You may be out of practice at being extroverted; or visibly nervous or hyper around groups of people, and unintentionally sending-off a weird vibe.
Wanting to be liked and accepted too badly can turn you into a weirdo. Don't be "needy-greedy!" Just relax and let people warm-up to your style and personality; don't push yourself on anyone. Show confidence and take advantage of your natural mystique. Trying too hard gives them a chance to shoot you down. Take it gracefully when they try!
Let-down your defense-shields and control your cynicism; so you don't freeze-up with the fear people will not like you. The hell with them if they don't!
Please be sure you curb excessive sarcasm, swearing, and be careful not to display intimidating behavior. That definitely won't make many friends. Something I had to remind an acquaintance about. It's what she does when she feels other women in the room are prettier.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2018): I think that maybe you're an introvert... now you're probably thinking, "but wait... if I want friends, how can I be an introvert?" But you have to understand that... introverts DO want connections with others. It's just that they want deep and meaningful connections, and superficial conversations are a drain on our energy. I'm introverted and I have learned that I deeply desire friendships but I want something really meaningful to connect over, and it seems like others are out for something more superficial. It causes a rift because most people are extroverts, and just not on the same wavelength as me. I've been in a similar situation, and I can relate to everything you say. It's like someone read my exact thoughts, because I've experienced those same exact feelings. Another thing is that introversion can also be a source of pain because we want friendship but socializing drains us, so it's tough to invest energy in socializing, we decompress by being alone! I don't think that people "hate" you, it's just that most people are apathetic and we live in a modern culture that promotes narcissism... people want selfies and hookups and d!ck pics. It can make you feel alone, and that colors your perspective a deeper shade of dark. It feels like a rejection. Screw those people who are indifferent to you. They suck, and you don't, so you need to find YOUR people. The kind of friends you are seeking are rare, but when you find them, they are really special. Find a FEW good friendships and cultivate those and you can find happiness.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (23 April 2018):
 I do understand what you mean. I'm not sure whether people in general are just becoming more self centred or whether this is something you notice more as you mature, or whether it just BOTHERS you more as you get older because you expect to be treated kindly and considerately.
For ME (and this won't necessarily work for others) the secret was to just smile indulgently at everyone but do my own thing and think my own thoughts. If someone is rattling on about themselves (most people do), then just nod, smile and don't get dragged in. If you are asked for an opinion, give it as honestly but kindly as possible (although, quite often these days, I have to confess to giving opinions which are quite blunt but doing it with a smile on my face so people are not quite sure if I am joking or not - it makes for good sport).
I have a large number of acquaintances/colleagues but only a very small number of what I would term as close friends. These are, without exception, people who share my values on the important things in my life and who are actually "nice people". I find that it is only really important to me what my true friends think/feel about me, not what the others may think or feel.
People have their own agendas. Many people are basically very self centred and selfish. Leave them be and try to find people who are "nice". These people will make you feel good about yourself and will go a long way towards restoring your faith in humanity.
Hugs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2018): I sometimes feel the same as I'm a naturally giving and collaborative type person. Unfortunately in a world that values extracert qualities and show off people like us can be seen as weak or push overs so I often find the way is to try less to be likable and just be more someone who please myself
What you need is not to be liked it's to be respected and unfunately the beautifully qualities you have abbot necessarily respected
Try suiting yourself , maintain your mystery be polite and friendly but don't give all the time , expect a to take rather than always give a little more than you have in the past and see how that goes
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