A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy in my life who after 4 years has re-entered my life, I met him when I was 17 and he was 18 we were seeing each other, our family knew about us and everything was well. I stopped seeing him as in those days he was very immature and what you would call a typical bloke, so I told him it was best if we stopped seeing each other. He moved to America shortly after that and we stopped all contact. Last year in July 08 it was his elder brother's wedding and me and my family were invited as I became really close mates with his younger sister. He saw me and there was definitely a spark between us, my anger with him had dropped and I immediatly wanted him to come over to say 'hi'. When he did that's when I realised we had same chemistry after all that time, when we spoke he knew it and so did I, we couldn't stop grinning... but that's were the problems lies, he's engaged... to a girl he met in America. They have been in an relationship for about 2 years and got engaged both here and in America, so hence I kept distance. Soon after he went back he got in contact with me and poured out his heart and apologised for the way he behaved way back in college, and that he regretted making a mess out of our relationship. I forgave him and told him we both moved and matured from then on but slowly he started to tell me about the relationship with his fiancee was failing and he wanted out, that he only got engaged to do the right thing by his family, he hated the position he was in and he didn't feel she appreciated him, after a month or two he openly confessed that when he saw me back at the wedding he wished things worked out between us all his feelings poured out, I was happy that he felt that way, but then didn't let out any signs about how I felt as it was a tricky situation.Shortly after he decided to break things off with her, take some time out, concentrate with his business and then see how things go with us. (he wanted to commit himself to me and thought I was perfect for him, hence get married, he told his family and they told him to take one step at a time but thought I was ideal fo him too). I was happy I could speak to him without feeling guilty that he was cheating on his fiance. He booked a week to come out to England to see me and get closure on us but due to his personal problems and residency application he couldn't break it off with her as he applied for the permit when they were engaged and it would complicated his residency and business deals, his lawyer strongly advised him to stick with her and try make things work out for another year till his situations sorted and see what happens from there. That's when he stopped calling me and told me he has to wait a year until he can part from her otherwise all his efforts were going down the drain, he stopped talking to me as it was difficult for him as his fiancee was mostly there, but when he came to England and I saw him for the first time I was so happy but then mad as he stopped all contact. I eventually asked him to meet me so that I can get it off my chest and know where I stand with him and get the closure we borth needed. He was hesitant as he felt like he was cheating, but I assured him it was just going to be talking. So when came he admitted he wanted to meet me but was afraid he couldn't trust himself. Throughout the conversations he kept gazing into my eyes, smiling (which at this point my stomach was doing summersaults) then he hugged me and I just felt the most amazing cuddle ever, we spent nearly 3 hours together and said what we needed to say, half-way through the conversation he leaned over to hug me again but then kissed me, it was so passionate and we both couldn't stop, he told me that he never felt so much in one kiss neither did I. It was truly amazing, he then dropped me off, and we spoke over the phone and he kept telling me that he missed me and wished I was with him, how we had the same dreams with our future. To conclude we both can't do anything about it as he has to stay with his partner for another year, anything can happen and I just don't know what to do. I really want to be with him and I know he wants to be with me too, I know that we're so right for each other, he keeps saying that he doesn't think it will last with his fiancee and at the same time he doesn't want me to be in another relationship in years time. I just kept it as when he goes back to America we will lose complete contact as nothing can happen and whatever the future hold will be. What do you suggest?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): thank you for your replies, as for anon reader he applied for his residency visa when he was engaged to her, which made the application go faster. throughout that time he has made really huge business deals and partnerships that he can not risk to mess up. he has opened his own record label there and making a name for himself. as for ending the relationship, his lawyer advised that as he applied with her ending the relationship will cause a longer delay into applying for a visa, so therefore he dont want to risk not getting one and losing all his hard efforts. he feels guilty because he knows its wrong as he is still with her, and yet he has these feelings for me. no doubt that he still cares for her, they have been together for 2 years just that they aint right for each other (his words not mine). he spoke about being with me and hence started filling out the paper work for the divorce, only to be advised by his lawyers that it wernt a clever move. hence he couldnt continue with it. but thank you for your advise.and gina thanks you for yours too. iknow a year is a long time to wait hence im confused. but in his position aswel he finds it hard to lead a double life and lie to her as well as hurt me. he told me honestly and openly that he cant do that, but he hopes in years time that if things do finish with her then im still available. i know it sounds like im the one thats losing out but i honestly think hes so right for me.i know anything can happen just hope theres still a chance somewhere down the line. thank you for your replies:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): I think that you should move on. I was in a very similar situation and trust me it wont end pretty. If he is acting guilty then he feels guilty, which means that she isnt just someone he is trying to get rid of. If he really didnt want to be with her then he would find another way to deal with his residency so that he could leave her. I dont see how he can feel guilty about something that his heart isnt in, unless of course he is lying. I mean think about it, if he truly wanted to be with you and not her why would he try to make it work? why wouldnt he do a little more research and find another way to fix his problem? no one can force you to stay engaged! it sounds like a bunch of crap to me!
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