A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I miss my girlfriend so much. The trouble is, we're still together.We've been together for 18 months now. For the first 12 months, things could not have been better. We were so close. We trusted each other with everything, we could talk about anything. We did so much together. We had so much fun. I excited her and made her laugh and vice-versa. She wanted to be with me all the time. The sex we had was so good and loving. We both wanted it all the time and were both so keen to satisfy the other. When we weren't together for any length of time, when we saw each other again, she'd throw her arms around me and squeeze me so tight for ages. I was so happy that she was so happy. She told her friend that I was "the one". She told me that she had never felt like this about anyone before. We fell completely and totally in love.I remember gazing into her eyes and telling her that one day we'd get married and she agreed. We talked about our lives together and the things we'd do.She would always send me random soppy texts or give me love letters and little presents. She was my baby girl.I am still with her and she still means the world to me.I know that "honeymoon" periods do end...However... We don't see each other that often anymore. She never tells me she loves me. We have sex once a fortnight, if that and its loving but "basic- run of the mill" sex. No love letters or cards or anything.When we've been apart for a while, she doesn't seem pleased to see me anymore.We no longer talk about our future together and in fact I know she "fantasizes" about this other guy in a joking kinda way (nothing serious, just being girly. But it still hurts)I don't seem to excite her or make her laugh anymore. In fact she'd rather spend time with her other friends than see me, one guy in particular she's become fond of- as "a friend" apparently.Some days she doesn't even contact me at all.we don't alk about our feelings anymore and when I try to tell her that I don't like the way things have become, she just gets annoyed that we have to "talk about it all the time".The vicious circle is that the longer this goes on, the more downheartened I get and the "less fun" i become to be with.It just makes me so sad that we could go from having so much together to having almost nothing.I was the centre of her world. Now i'm just a very very small part of it.She says she wants to stay together.How do I get over what we had and stop yearning for those amazing 12 months we had together??I just need to look at a photo from that time or even just think about it and I cry, I can't help it.I miss my girlfriend so much. I miss what we had together so much.I still love her like crazy and I want her to love me like crazy like she used to do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): i am in exactly the same position, my girlfin and i have been together for like a year and 8 months now and i'm absolutely obssesed with her, i don't find anything good unless shes talking to me and i can't do anything attal without thinking about her. we met and spent 3 months solidly together we were madly in love, she'd give me so much attention and stuff. we did the remainder of the year where i was at uni and she was back home. now she has gone off to uni aswel, shes been there for only 3 weeks and is having massive doubts ad has said some absolutely hurtful things to me. she told me she doesn't really know what she wants, that she still loves me but doesn't really fancy me anymore and doesn't feel she needs me anymore. were having a no contact thing for the next 4 days(which is alot, considering we text eachother like 15+ times a day and call) to try and sort it out, but to be honest all i feel like absolute shit cos of it and i don't think she is attal :(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009): hey, i dont know if its too late for me to tell you this or not....
just read you message there and i can completely understand where you are coming from. The 'vicious cycle' is in my opinion the hardest to break and i believe it is the main cause for all these low feelings etc you are having about your situation.
You have already identified that been like you are makes you 'less fun to be with'.
That is something if not the only thing you have control over in this situation.
The thing is this cycle needs to change. I would bet my bottom dollar that she can sense the change in your attitude, the change in the new 'soppy' way that you treat her.
Believe me, i would have run to the other side of the world for my ex-girlfriend. But sometimes doing anything and everything for your girlfriend isnt the best thing to do.
You need to man-up. You need to become the exciting new male in the relationship. She has got you and is losn interest in you because of the way you are acting, you have let yourself become too attached.
You will have heard the saying that women like the 'bad-boys' well they dont like them because they treat them mean or anything like that, what appeals to them is that sense that these bad-boys can be happy living their own lives with or without the women in them. That is what intrigues the women and keeps them keen.
Now i am not saying treat her mean keep her keen, you sound like a good, emotional and respectful guy so been like that would work with your lady. You need to find the winning combination of been nice, showing her you care etc but at the same time, show her you are the man in the relationship, that you are happy with yourself and your life she just plays a part in your life rather than your world revolving around her too much.
Put that spark back. Be confident, Be happy and have fun.
cut this cycle in half, dont text or speak to her from now until she gets intouch with you. When she gets in touch with you you have the control, then you can start this exciting process of repairing your relationship and ultimatley make yourself happy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): Thank you. I know you're right. It's just so hard sometimes.
I know I need to stop living in the past. I need to just be happy and grateful for that time we had.
It's just difficult when I still want the same things and yet she doesn't.
I never ever imagined that it would end up like this. We spoke about how good things were (when they were good) and we said how we both thought it would never change.
How wrong we were though.
We had a 'break' for a while and she came back and said she wanted to make things work but I don't know if they are.
I know me yearning for the past isn't helpful but I just can't get over it.
Anyway, thanks for your replies... and don't worry about going on!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): i found this really sweet, the way you feel about your girlfriend and how you really do love her. I'm a few years younger than you but i've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, so i do know what i'm talking about. all relationships have their fun romantic periods, but unfortunatley this doesn't last forever, but the more exciting thing is seeing what comes next and looking forward for the new adventures you have left to look forward to, whether it be with you girlfriend, by yourself or even maybe one day with someone else; you never know what can happen. You should be looking forward to this rather than trying to keep things the same and dwelling on things not being how they used to be.Do something which you know will amaze her, write her something, make her something, show her something; don't buy, presents are presents and as much as we love them, it doesn't really show too much thought. Why not take her out for a meal or just do something you two can enjoy together. If you ensure her on how much you love her(maybe not too much) then there's not really too much you can do.Maybe you both are at a time in your life when either she or both of you need a time out, you want to experience life whilst your both still young, afterall you only get one shot and there's nothing to say that you won't get back together. If its meant to be then it will work itself out. I can tell how much you love her but try and let things happen rather than making things happen, don't make her your everything or one day you may end up getting crushed, let her make her own decissions and she'll respect you for that.I've gone one quite abit now so i'l shut up, but i hope things work out well for you and the best of luck (:
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): you sound soooo wet. sigh...
why not talk to her and tell her you miss those things? but don't be over the top she will run a mile.
Just tell her we haven't held hands for a while or shagged whilst out shopping or similar and see where it goes from there. (I mean hold her hand for a bit or drag her into the changing rooms).
make a special night for the two of you and enjoy some time together.
Star.x.
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